You have just gotten through one disaster when here comes another one, the attacks are unrelenting, and you might be thinking of giving up, but what you really need is to take a breath. Yes, it would be nice to heal and reset before the next disaster, but life does not work like that; when it rains, it pours, or so the saying goes. Jesus said the Enemy has one job to kill, steal, and destroy, and he is relentless, especially when we decide to step into our God-ordained purpose.
So, before you give up, take a breath. Find a quiet corner, get comfortable and breathe. Focus on the calming sensation of your breath as you inhale and exhale. Allow the quiet to wash over you as you give thanks to the Lord. Do this regularly, and I promise you will feel better. You will have the energy you need to conquer your day.
Remember, you are stronger than you give yourself credit and more blessed than you know.
With Peace and Love,
Renee
Hi guys, my name is Renee. I am a Certified Coach and Yoga teacher host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life Podcast and the Courageous Woman’s Book Club founder. Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.
Let me begin by saying this is not an indictment of anyone’s parenting history or parenting style. Whether you decided to become a full-time, part-time, or no time parent is not the issue. This post is only meant to help you to prepare for the when your adult child comes to you and ask you why? Why were you so strict? Why didn’t you come to more of my games? Why didn’t you protect me? Why didn’t you raise me? Why did you have me so late in life? Why did you give me up? These are just some of the questions, I have helped my clients process over the years as they make peace with the mistakes they made as parents.
To be clear, regardless of all the parenting books, magazines, and programs you might have listened to while you were in the parenting trenches, you probably made some mistakes. We all do, no matter how hard we try to change, many of us fall back on the parenting style of our moms. This topic came to me as I processed my own parents parenting style and how it did not prepare me for life. My parents have passed away so I cannot ask them any of the “why” questions. But I was also not prepared to answer my children when they asked me why I parented the way I did.
I must admit at first I was angry and hurt at the thought or suggestion that I was anything but a model parent. I volunteered at their school, carpooled to all the after-school activities, introduced them to Jesus-that alone should have earned me a gold star. 😊 I cooked dinner and made sure they had desert each night. And I worked two jobs after their dad, and I divorced to take care of them.
I debated the merits of my parenting voraciously. Then I realized that my trying to argue and defend myself was futile. Children as you know grow into adults with thoughts and opinions of their own. The last thing I wanted to do was to create an irrevocable rift between us and I am guessing you probably feel the same way. So instead of angrily defending your parenting record try these tips instead.
Listen Actively: Give them your full attention, get rid of distractions, and focus on what they are saying. Do not try to over talk them or defend yourself to the point that you miss exactly what they are asking or saying.
Correct inaccuracies with love- please do not tell your child that they are lying, perhaps the way they remember an event is not entirely accurate. Just correct them gently with just the facts and refer them to someone who can collaborate your version of events if possible.
Show yourself some compassion: as mom’s we do not need anyone telling us we made mistakes or missed the mark; we do that quite well on our own. But this is not the time to beat yourself up for all the things you did not do, this is the time to acknowledge that you loved your children, and you did the best you could with the tools you had.
Beware of guilt: your child may try their best to make you feel guilty about missing their little league game or sleeping through their eight-grade graduation (that was me, sorry John). Feeling guilty serves no one and could hinder your ability to mend fences and create a better relationship with your child. You cannot go back and fix your parenting mistakes, but you can be the best parent to them now as adults.
Adult children are trying to figure out who they are, and why they are the way they are, this is the work all humans must do if they want to take their life to the next level. So even if you were the best mom in the world. They will need to take this journey of self-discovery. Their questions are probably not meant to hurt you but help them to process some angst they may be experiencing in their own lives. This is your time to help them navigate this part life’s journey and help them to prepare to become better people and better parents. Parenting never ends, no matter how old your children are, create a relationship with them as adults where you are not only their mom but their friend.
With Peace and Love,
Renee
Hi guys, my name is Renee. I am a Certified Coach and Yoga teacher host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life Podcast, and the founder of the Courageous Woman’s Book Club. Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.
I always wanted to be the type of Christian woman that prayed to God earnestly, not begging, with teeth and fists clenched so tightly the blood drained out of my face and hands. I wanted to send up my prayers and then just walk in the blessed assurance that comes from knowing that God is in control. But until recently, that was not my testimony. Instead, I prayed and worried, and begged, and negotiated with God daily. It was exhausting. Then, one day, while I was praying earnestly. I heard the Holy Spirit say, praying but not preparing. Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks.
Yep, that was me. Always praying but never preparing to receive the Thing I was praying for, as we wait for the Lord to answer our prayers, we must prepare the ground so that the blessing will have a place to take root. I prayed that the Lord would bless my ministry, but I was too afraid to step out and begin sharing my work. So, in essence, there was nothing for the Lord to bless. You might be praying for a new job, but you have not updated your resume and applied anywhere. You may be praying for peace in your household. But you continue to walk around with a massive chip on your shoulder, too angry to speak to anyone. You might be praying for a husband. But, you have yet to clean your spiritual and natural home to welcome your new mate.
Whatever you are praying for, make sure that as you pray, you also begin the process of preparing to receive, do not delay your blessing, miss it when it comes, or lose it because you were not ready. Your preparation is an act of faith. So, actively wait for the Lord to do what he promised!
Look at one of your prayers. How can you begin to prepare to receive the blessing?
Remember, you are stronger than you give yourself credit and more blessed than you know. I love you guys!
With Peace and Love,
Renee
Hi guys, my name is Renee. I am a Certified Coach and Yoga teacher host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life! Podcast, and the founder of the Courageous Woman’s Book Club. Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.
The hardest thing you will ever have to do during the healing process is to let go and rely on God. Trust me, it is easier said than done; our first inclination as human women is to fix things. To find a solution to our problem that will make everything right again. It does not matter how hard or how long it takes us; we will continue searching for an answer even when it slows or nullifies our ability to heal. When we try to save ourselves, we neutralize God’s ability to work on our behalf. My grandmother Leona always told me that I will not win for real until I learn to let go and let God. There will come a time in your life when you must believe God because trying to take matters into your own hands is only making your problems worse. Your prayer today is to ask God to give you the strength to leave your problems with him once and for all so that you can turn your focus to the task that He has assigned to you; focusing on that task will help you to heal and bring peace to someone who is waiting for you.
Remember, you are stronger than you give yourself credit and more blessed than you know. I love you guys and I think you are awesome!
With Peace and Love,
Renee
Hi guys, my name is Renee. I am a Certified Coach and Yoga teacher host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life! Podcast, and the founder of the Courageous Woman’s Book Club. Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.
When four of my children decided that they wanted to move from our home in Ohio to Texas, the momma in me wanted to try to stop them from going. I worried about their safety and wondered when I was going to see my grandsons. I thought to myself, why in the world would you move in the middle of a pandemic. I had a whole host of reasons why they should not move, but I did not share one of them. Not, because I was selfless but because I know how it feels when the people who love you do not support your dreams.
Growing up I dreamt of becoming a dancer and a model. I studied ballet and modern dance. I couldn’t always afford dance classes, so a lot of what I learned was self-taught. I got modeling gigs in local department stores and had convinced myself that after high school, I was going to move to New York and try my luck. My mother and grandmother hit the roof. My mother said I was too short to model. At 5’6″, I thought she may be right. It was the same reaction I got when I won a summer scholarship to M.I.T. My grandmother told my mother she should not let me go, and my mom worried about my safety and not wanting to be separated from her only daughter would not sign the parental consent forms for me to go. I let my dreams go way too quickly. I did not trust that I would make the right decision, and I didn’t have anyone in my corner to push me out of my comfort zone.
Consider this your kick to move out of your comfort zone. You have decided to finally create a plan to reach that goal that has been nudging at your heart. You have packed up your kids and your belongings and decided to end a relationship that is long past its due date. Your doctor has just diagnosed you with a chronic illness, curable, but it will require that you make some drastic lifestyle changes. Would you agree with me that these are all positive endeavors? Yes! They are, you have decided to become proactive and take control of your life.
With all this positive action, you would think that the people you love would jump on the bandwagon and become your biggest cheerleaders. Sadly, that is not always the case. So, what do you do when the people who love you do not support you? If you find that finding support for your dream is few and far between. It may be time to eliminate the dead weight in your life and start fresh, filling your circle with folks who love and support you.
When I start to work with a new client, one of the first things I like for them to identify is their support system. When you try to do something that you have never done before, you do not need to be pulled away from your focus by family and friends who do not support your vision for your life.
That is not to say that they must agree with you completely, but they should refrain from throwing water on your dreams by reminding you of all the times you did not quite hit the mark in the past. Sometimes, they might think they are helpful with comments like:
“You can lose the weight on your own.”
“You left him before, remember.”
“Are you even trying? Try harder.”
“He is a good provider. Are you sure you cannot work it out? No one will blame you if you stay.”
“Just eat less and work out more.”
“Shouldn’t you be thinking of retiring instead of starting a new career?”.
“People your age don’t run marathons.”
“Is the pain that bad or is it in your head.”
“Your time has passed; it’s time to let the younger folks have a turn.
These are just a few of the comments my clients and I have heard when we confided to our closest confidants about our plans to make changes in our lives. Unfortunately, when they recall these conversations, many clients break down in tears. Because the truth is it can be heartbreaking to find that the foundation you have built your life on will not support the new you.
Whether it is losing weight, ending a relationship, starting a new career path, or pursuing your purpose, and maybe like me, your new career path is your purpose. You must create a support system that supports you unconditionally, holds you accountable when you do not believe you can do it and loves you no matter how many times you must start over.
If you have found yourself facing this type of resistance, you have probably asked why? Why wouldn’t the people who claimed to love me not want me to do better, be better, live better? The answer is fear. They could be afraid that you will reach a goal and realize that you have outgrown them, or they might be worried that they will lose you to a new group of friends. It could be that they are afraid that you might fail, and they want to spare you the pain of failing. But failure is a lesson in itself. That is a lesson for another day.
Whatever their fear, you cannot let it stop you from moving forward. It is time to create a new inner circle. Anyone who does not fall in step with your plans is dead weight, and you should eliminate them immediately. I know that deadweight is a harsh term. I am using it on purpose to trigger just how dire this situation is for your success. This will probably be one of the most challenging tasks you will ever have to do, but ask yourself how you will feel next week, next month, or next year if you are in the same spot you are in now.
Ready to get started: Make a list of three people you can count on to support your journey towards a new you. It is time to create your village. These folks can be professional supports such as a pastor, coach or therapist, or natural supports, including your mom, sister, cousin, best friend, or favorite church member.
If you want real success in your life, you must surround yourself with like-minded people who will help you empower your mindset and lend you the emotional fuel you need to keep going when you feel like you are running on empty. You can do this; I believe in you.
With Peace and Love,
Renee
Download this month’s book selection, the Courageous Woman’s Bible Discover Journal; if you are looking to connect or reconnect with God in a powerful way, this journal is for you. Plus, I show you how to incorporate your daily time with God in as little as 15 minutes a day. Start or end your day with the word of God, and empower yourself to move through any obstacle life throws your way. $1 of your purchase will go to help the Atlanta Mission continue its mission of supporting, clothing, and feeding homeless mothers and their children. Click here to download your copy today!
On today’s show, we have Lisa Copeland. Lisa is a best-selling Author, Speaker, Love Coach, and Dating Expert. She is a leading, internationally recognized expert and dating coach for women over 50. She is the author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post/50, The Huffington Post Women, The Examiner, and Tribune News Services newspapers. Her website, http://www.FindAQualityMan.com was named one of the Top 5 Online Dating Services by The Examiner and one of the 10 Best Senior Dating Blogs by DatingAdvice.com.
On today’s show, you will learn:
That it is not too late to find the man of your dreams.
The art of flirting. How to improve your confidence so you attract a quality man.
We are often quick to show compassion to others, we give them grace when they make mistakes or hurt us, but we do not allow ourselves this same compassion. True growth has a learning curve, and as we learn, we will make mistakes; it is okay to make mistakes; instead of running away from them, we need to acknowledge these mistakes to give ourselves room to grow.
This week show yourself some compassion as you pursue your dreams, as you face challenges head-on when you fall-lift yourself back up and ask yourself, what did I learn? Will you give yourself room to grow?
The Affirmation
I am a work in progress. I give myself room to learn and grow.
I will try new things. I will keep an open mind and move beyond my comfort zone. My new adventures might include skydiving or writing poetry.
Whatever I choose, I will allow myself the grace to enjoy it.
I will try new things like listening to country music, rap, and jazz. I will replace my usual morning run with a yoga class.
I will seek out challenges. I will volunteer for challenging assignments at work. I will talk about sensitive subjects with my family and friends.
I will not be afraid to ask questions. I will gratify my curiosity.
I will welcome feedback. I invite colleagues and clients to let me know what they think about my performance. I thank my loved ones for helpful reminders. I will use their input to make positive changes.
I will let my light shine as I teach others. I can use my knowledge to teach students and mentor newcomers in my field.
I will expand my mind by reading books I love and new works of fiction and nonfiction.
I will take classes. I will push past fear, sign up for courses at my local university, and subscribe to e-learning platforms.
I will make learning fun. I will visit my local library to browse for free audiobooks, movies, and events.
I will travel to other countries or explore new places in my neighborhood or town.
I will practice speaking foreign languages at ethnic restaurants and grocery stores.
Today, I train my mind to think. I add to my knowledge and skills. I pursue my passion for learning. I will remind myself that my mind is powerful and capable of accomplishing the goals and dreams I have for my life.
Self-Reflection Questions:
What is one new skill that would help me to advance my career?
What is the difference between working hard and working smart?
Why is it important to adopt a growth mindset?
What is one way I can show myself compassion this week?
What feelings arise in me as I answer these questions?
With Peace and Love,
Renee
PS
Whenever you are ready, I can help you create the future you’ve always wanted:
Join the private Welcome To Your Life Midlife Made Easier Facebook group, a curated community exclusively for fun-loving midlife. Learn from and connect with other midlife women this is your village a safe place to vent your concerns and celebrate your wins. Click here to join (note: you must answer the questions to be considered).
Let me be clear, if you are someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety, I am not suggesting that you give up your medication and therapy in favor of prayer and meditation. As a social service worker and Certified Life Coach, I have seen the wonderous benefits my clients experience when adding prayer and meditation to their traditional treatment plans. So, I am asking you to be open as you read today’s post because maybe adding prayer and meditation could be an extra dose of protection to successfully manage your anxiety.
Did you know that anxiety is the most common mental illness in the United States? About 40 million Americans have been diagnosed with anxiety. The U.S. spends as much as $42 billion on the American government to diagnose and treat anxiety disorders. It is expected, especially in today’s world of political and social unrest, to feel anxious from time to time. But if your anxiety becomes overwhelming, and you want to add some realistic strategies to your prescription medication and therapy regime, one technique you may wish to try is prayer and meditation.
From personal experience, I can tell you that adding both to my daily self-care routine has helped me get a handle on my anxiety and panic attacks in a way that I never thought possible. But you might be asking which one should you try or should you use both.
Which is Better: Prayer or Meditation?
The answer very is simple: Use whichever you prefer. Some people have a close relationship with a higher power, while others do not. No matter what your religious belief, you can manage your anxiety through your thoughts and affirmations.
If you like to pray, that is great. If you want to meditate instead, then do it! I like to pray and then meditate on the scripture that is included in my morning devotional. But you can choose Whichever technique makes you feel the most comfortable. Taking your mental health seriously is the first step to healing and finding the right combination of therapeutic treatments. Remember, this is about you getting better, and you know best what will make you feel at ease.
Getting Started
You do not need any fancy equipment to get started. As a matter of fact, you can start right now with a deep breath. Pull the air deep down into your diaphragm and let it out slowly. Do this deep breathing technique several times, and you will begin to feel calmer.
My students look strange when I ask them if they are breathing effectively? Because if not, then you are only taking in enough air to expand the top part of your lungs expands; you may think this is okay because your chest rises and falls. However, when you use the breath as a calming tool- your whole belly rises and falls, not just your upper chest because your entire lungs are being filled with fresh air.
Before your anxiety begins to overwhelm, all your senses try practicing deep breathing as part of your own self-care routine. The more you do it, the more it will become an automatic coping strategy that helps you manage anxiety and any other part of your life that needs an adjustment.
Here are some other tips to help you feel calm while praying or meditating:
Use a mantra. Inhale while you give yourself positive thoughts and feelings. Exhale anything negatives you are thinking or feeling. Breathing is the rhythm of life. Use it to your advantage. My favorite mantra is I am Strong! I say this because I felt like life was happening to me for so many years, and I had no control. Now I know that is not true.
String together three scriptures: I call this a string prayer. I string together three of my favorite scriptures, and I pray them each morning. I also use these scriptures as part of my mantra when I meditate.
Make it part of your self-care routine: To really reap the benefits to pray or meditate at the same time each day. Try practice when you are not in crisis. Here is a challenge for you, decide when you will do and write it on the calendar at the same time for the next 30 days. It does not have to take a long time; try two minutes each day to start and add more time when you feel comfortable.
Laugh More. This was a hard one for me; I used my smile to hide what I was really thinking and feeling for years.But now I use itto make myself feel better after a long hard day. Try saying “ho, ho, ho, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha” and other silly phrases out loud. When you do, you will start to smile, then grin, and then laugh for real! And when you are laughing, it hard to frown or feel anxious!
Get an accountability buddy: I think this is the best way to ensure success. Your accountability buddy will help you to keep going when you want to quit. You can join a church, take up yoga, or find a support group for anxiety. You are not alone; other people share your struggle; besides helping yourself, you could help someone else struggling with anxiety; think of it this way, someone needs a friend, and they are waiting for you.
Now It is Your Turn!
As with any step towards personal peace, the first thing you must do is just start. Do not wait for perfect conditions because they will never come. Something or someone will always pop up in your life to steal your joy. One thing to avoid when you start your prayer and/or meditation practice is the notion that you will be able to conquer it in a week. Be patient with yourself and show yourself some compassion. It took time to get where you are, and it will take time to get back to where you want to be.
Do not forget to speak with your therapist or coach and let them know that you have started this journey; they will be more than happy to support you and provide you with helpful feedback as you work to strengthen your breathing. Laugh. Meditate or pray routine. The greatest gift you can give yourself is joy, which is a gift worth waiting for.
Today we are talking about how to create and live a balanced life. I know that that can be difficult to achieve considering the times we live in now. But I hope that today’s post will give you some insight into how to accomplish this. Now, if you can listen with a pen and piece of paper close by, that would be very helpful, as I will be asking you to answer some reflective questions to create a picture to determine how balanced your life is now.
Why am I talking about living a balanced life? Because we spend so much time compartmentalizing the various areas of our lives, trying to ensure that everything has its own place. Our relationships, career, money, exercise, health, but we all know that our whole lives will be affected if one area is out of whack.
Imagine having tons of money, the house, and the career you want. But not being able to enjoy it because your health is failing. That is not an exaggeration. I had my dream job and was at least 30 pounds overweight and trying to reverse diabetes and prehypertension. When a part of your life is not in line with your life’s other aspects, you will begin to enjoy your lifeless and less as you struggle to get it back on track.
It is crucial to think of your life as one holistic pie and decide to put your energy into making every piece of that pie as yummy as possible. Forgive the pie metaphor, but I am giving up sweets for Lent.
What would creating a life that is balanced and enjoyable look like?
Your first step would be to take a real and honest look at your life in every area. So many times, we let the fear of change stop us from making moves in our lives that we know will set us free.
Fear of change is real and can be the number one reason that we stay stuck in unhealthy and unhappy areas of our lives. We convince ourselves that it is easier to keep the familiar mess we know rather than finding the creativity and energy to make the changes we need to be happy.
My job as your coach is to help you begin the process of imagining what your life would be like if you gathered your courage and made the necessary changes you need to make to create a happy and balanced life. Before you ask, yes, you can have a happy and balanced life because this is not available for lucky people or blessed people.
Now, this is where your pen and paper will come in handy? The self-reflective questions I am about to ask you will help you to decide if you need to make changes in your life.
Are you getting things done on your own, but could use some report?
Do you want to build a healthier relationship with food?
Do you eat when you are bored, angry, sad, or stressed out?
Do you want to develop a deeper connection to yourself and others?
Do you want to be empowered to be your own health expert?
Do you want more confidence, energy, and self-acceptance?
Do you want to be held accountable to show up for yourself?
Are you looking outside of yourself for love, support, and acceptance?
I want you to take the time to answer these questions because this is the first step towards reducing your stress and healing your emotional health.
Once you have answered the questions, I want you to use your answers to create a plan that will help you begin nurturing yourself. This is something we can not turn over to the hands of others. I am talking to all my romantics out there; believe me, I know how you feel. I spent the whole day recently watching Hallmark romantic comedies and saying to myself, if my husband would just be like the characters in these movies, I would feel fantastic, and our marriage would be excellent.
Nurturing must begin with us; this is how we teach others how to treat us.
Your next step is to create priorities. Have you ever woken up in the morning, dreading the start of your day? You have so many things pulling at your time and energy you want to turn off the alarm and remove the cover over your head.
Prioritizing your life will help you reduce you overwhelm and focus on the items in your day that must get done, bringing you joy.
I know that some days would be impossible to find balance, but that cannot be our daily existence. It might be that it has been years since your life appeared to be in a healthy balance, but that does not mean that with the right action, you cannot make things right.
It is time for you to embrace and create the best life you can now! You can decide where to put energies each day and make the life you want to live, so you do not get stuck living the life you have.
I have big dreams, and I expect to achieve these dreams. I have earned the right to expect great things to happen in my life. If I do my part, I know I can achieve my goals and expectations.
I deserve for good things to happen in my life. I am considerate of others and treat everyone with the respect they deserve. I am a loving friend and family member. I have the best interests of others at heart.
I do the work each day necessary to deserve success. I work hard and with focus. I am clear on what I desire and do the work required to make my dreams a reality.
I have big goals and expectations that are congruent with my abilities.
I review my goals regularly and allow myself to get excited at the prospect of achieving them. I have detailed goals and plans to make them happen.
I am deserving. My strengths and skills are sufficient to achieve my dreams. I am motivated and capable. I am worthy of my dreams.
Today, I remind myself why my dreams are appropriate for the person I am becoming each day. I have the confidence needed to be successful in the pursuit of my goals.
Self-Reflection Questions:
What are my biggest goals and my plans to achieve them?
Am I willing to do the work required to be successful in achieving my goals?
What steps do I take each day to make my dreams a reality?
Midlife Made Easier 