Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

What Do You Do When Your Life Is Out Of Control?

 

What Do You Do When Your Life Is Out of Control? I sat on the hard metal bench at the Greyhound bus station in tears. My 23 hours rode trip had just been extended by ten hours, and it wasn’t my fault. My bus from New York was two hours late arriving in Raleigh, and my connecting bus had long left the station. Probably fearing a verbal beat down from the 40 or so tired passengers arriving at the station. The two ticket agents on duty provided no comfort. They made little to no eye contact as we lined up to trade in our obsolete bus transfers and get new tickets.

Behind the safety of the bus terminal intercom, the supervisor on duty announced that the next three incoming coaches to Atlanta were sold out. Everyone in line let out a collective gasp as they mentally tried to calculate when they would arrive to the destinations. As I stepped up to the counter, the ticket agent informed me without lifting her eyes from the computer screen that she could put me on the fourth Greyhound bus at 5:30 a.m., but that it would not arrive to Atlanta until 11:30 p.m. that night.
On the verge of tears, I simply nodded and took my new ticket. I was livid. The memories of my wonderful New York vacation were instantly dashed and replaced by the fact that I was now obliged to sit in a bus terminal for five hours waiting for the next bus. I had just pulled myself together when the supervisor on duty made another announcement. Once again, behind the safety of the terminal intercom he informed me and my tired grumpy companions that our connecting bus would be late with no estimated time of arrival. You see, there was no driver scheduled to drive this bus from Raleigh to all connecting points south, including Atlanta.
I lost it-right there at the Raleigh Greyhound bus station. I had left New York at 5:00 pm on Monday. It was now 3 a.m. on Tuesday, and the late arrival of this bus meant that there was no way I would make my connecting bus and get home by 11:30 p.m. that night. Instead, the 5:30 a.m. bus arrived at 7 a.m., and we were all informed that we would not arrive in Atlanta until approximately 2:30 a.m. Wednesday.
You are probably wondering why in this age of flying did I decide to take the bus. Well, to be honest, it was cheaper than flying. And in the past, when I’d taken the bus, I‘d gotten so much work done. I wrote my best blogs on the bus, completed a book, created a newsletter, and caught up on email. And when I was done, tired, or I did not want to disturb my neighbor with the overhead light, I slept.
This time was different, I was trapped. Stranded in a cavernous bus station that felt like Antarctica. Despite its size, it had very few electrical outlets. The ones that were not broken were quickly taken by other passengers. I felt completely out of control. A feeling I do not like having at all. I am the person who makes plans. Written plans, in journals, with timelines. I had planned my entire week. Something out of my control had sideswiped me and my neatly arranged schedule. My blog post, video and podcast schedule, clients to coach, and my work outs were just gone, shifted, eliminated.
What do you do when your life is out of your control? The first thing I did was cry. Then I prayed, got angry and asked God if he was listening and what was he going to do to punish the people who had upset my life so severely. I felt completely and utterly vulnerable. Then I calmed down and realized that in every situation I still have some control. I couldn’t control when the bus would arrive, but I could control how I responded and how I managed my time.
I took my own coaching advice. I dried my tears and took a couple of deep breaths. Taking out my calendar, I gave myself Wednesday off to recover from this leg of my trip. Then I emailed my podcast interviews an apology with a link to my calendar to reschedule. When my computer battery conked out, I used my phone to email my clients an apology with the link to my calendar so that they could also reschedule. When my phone died, I started writing notes in the notebook that I always carry with me, I am an old school writer. Those notes ended up being this essay.
As much as we would love to check out and blame the other guy, we are never truly out of control of our lives. What can we do when we feel like our lives are out of our control? We can make the decision as to how we are going to handle the situation. Will we choose to handle it with grace and dignity or with anger and blame? The decision on how we want to behave can never be taken away from us, it will always be ours, we just have to own it. I do have to say a good cry never hurts.
Peace!

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That would make me so happy 

 

 

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

How Many Lives Do You Touch Each Day?

 

people walking on the street-unsplash

I was having lunch with a girlfriend the other day. Between us, we had about 25 years in social services. And as most conversations do when two people share a profession, ours turned to work. Prompted by the memory she had of a client who had overdosed. We talked about the hundreds of families we had served over the years, some successfully and some not successfully. The unsuccessful cases seem to stay with you even when you have done the best you could.
I talked about my decision to test the teaching waters and how just after a week of being in the classroom the students and I bonded.

Then our conversation turned to how we affect the lives of people every day in tiny ways that probably not even register on our emotional radar. The cashier at the grocery store, the man who almost hit me in traffic, the woman I smiled at while crossing the street after it happened.
The truth is that every time we encounter someone we leave an imprint upon their life.

We leave an imprint

Most of those encounters are probably one and done. But, we make decisions each day on how we are going to connect with someone. Will our contact be positive or negative? We make that decision! To yell at the waiter because the lettuce is wilted. To go through the door without holding it for the person behind us. Decisions!
women in a circle

We, humans, are powerful creatures we can create peace with a smile, a thank-you, a seemingly innocuous phrase like have a nice day or let me get that for you. It may seem petty to us but those innocuous phrases can change the trajectory of someone’s day. We meet hundreds of people each day and because of this contact no matter how brief. They and we are forever changed. How many lives do you touch in a day? Unless you leave in a cave or on a remote island, I would say hundreds. Remember your words have power, and your actions can heal.

Peace!

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Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Voices

You Have The Power To Change that Negative Voice in Your Head!
Many of us are haunted by voices from our past. (maybe even our present) Those voices that told you that you were no good. That you would end up just like your daddy or your mommy. That you were not smart enough, enough, or talented enough to accomplish your dream. Even though you have gone on to achieve some great things in your life, every now an then in those weak moments when the mind wonders you hear that voice. Sometimes it plays on a loop, and you can’t free yourself from the icky residue it leaves on your psyche.
That voice comes seemingly out of nowhere when you are about to step into your purpose. It has stopped you from pursuing your dreams, building healthy relationships, and believing that you are enough. It reminds you of your shortcomings, mistakes, and the people you have hurt. It wreaks havoc without forgiveness. The voice, of course, is wrong. Now its time to diffuse its power.
You have the power to change the voice that plays in your head. Change it to your own voice that offers love, reassurance, and forgiveness. Take out your phone, hit the audio record button and read your favorite bible verse, poem, affirmation. Or, just say I am enough, and I will win.
The next time the voice rears its ugly head, hit the play button and listen to your voice and know that you have won.
Don’t forget to join the family- hit the follow button.
Peace!

 

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

The Art of Listening

When you are not the one speaking, have you already turned your back on the conversation and walked a

We would all like to think we are attentive listeners. In our minds, our communications with others are an interactive exchange of ideas and opinions. The truth is we argue because each party feels the need not only to be heard. But, to be right! Why are they so unreasonable we ask ourselves? Often, even though we are looking at someone squarely in their eyes; our minds are racing to come up with a witty or defensive response.
This is especially true if the other person is saying something we just do not want to hear. How well do you listen? Do you leave space in relationships for others to speak their truth? Being a good listener diffuses conflict and opens the door to real dialogue.
You can gage how well you listen to the depths of your relationships. Is the closeness you believe you have a figment of your imagination. The next conversation you have to try this: don’t just look attentive. Repeat everything the person says in your head. This will force you to really hear what they are saying and stop you from going into response mode.
Whether it’s a child, co- worker or someone we love, we all want respect and honor in our relationships. These cannot exist without real listening. Don’t physically, emotionally, or mentally turn your back on a conversation. Resist the need to be right! Open your spirit and listen for real.

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Inviting God In

There is something about the ocean that reminds me of God’s power. The ocean is powerful. It moves through the land and seas changing everything it touches. Giving life, breaking down barriers erected my nature and man. We try to control it but in the end in its power is relentless and it always wins.
Is it time for you to let down the emotional and spiritual barriers you’ve erected and let God fully into your life. You know the barriers we erect to keep God in his place. We don’t want him touching the areas that we have deemed off limits. We’ve been hurt before, can’t let anyone get that close again. Not even God. Especially God, like the ocean he never leaves things the way he finds them. He’s always changing, pushing, and moving things around.
But, unlike the ocean, he never moves without our permission what a perfect gentleman. Waiting for us to invite him into our lives. To give us a hand sorting out our mess. Are you ready to invite him in? What do you really have to lose?
#spiritually #spiritjunkies #blessed🙏 #prayer #bible #God #faithwarrior #jesus #jesuslovesyou #spirituallife
ocean waves

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Three Tips To Strengthen Your God Connection

prayer changes things

How strong is your God connection? I can always tell when I have slacked off my daily prayer routine. My life is a complete mess. My stress level is running high and everything no matter how small gets on my nerves. My beloved husband, my beautiful dog, the lateness of the garbage pick-up. Every area of life is torturous. Its feels like nails scratching against a blackboard.
I find myself loosing things. Like the bracelet, my husband purchased for me on our first trip to Florida. My Fitbit, which was on my wrist one minute and gone the next. When did I take it off? Where’s Winston’s leash? Oh, there it is, connected to his collar. Everything in my life is off track when I forget to nurture my prayer life. Nothing is quite right, it’s a little left of center. I am angry, misplacing, losing, and forgetting things because I am not entirely present in my life. Prayer does that for me; it keeps me grounded and connected to my world.
Romans 8_37
A glance at my scripture and prayer journal shows a two-month lapse, and then it dawns on me-that my connection to the Almighty is at best 10 percent. Much like the power on my laptop because I can’t find the power cord. It is sure to shut down soon. Prayer is one of those things you really can’t let lapse. Not if you want to fight evil, make wise choices, or just remain sane in the midst of chaos.
It took me some time to realize that having a daily conversation with God was a non-negotiable tenet of my Christian journey. At the beginning of our relationship, I talked to God all the time. Morning, noon, and night, I lifted my prayers and praises up to him. I couldn’t get enough of him. Then like what happens in most relationships, I started taking him for granted. I was married with five children, taking care of a home, and scheduling activities for my volunteer work. Pushing him to the bottom of my “to do” list or, cramming in a quickie prayer to assuage my guilt just seemed like all I could do at the time.
Then life happened. I got divorced. I was afraid and lonely. I felt lost. I was looking at the faces of my children who were looking to me for the right answers. I ran back to God realizing that I needed his protection. I needed to feel his love. I needed to feel the joy of connection. Of course, he was there waiting with arms open wide ready to shelter his little girl from the storm.
I wish I could tell you that -that was one of the few times that my prayer life collapsed. But, to be honest, like most people I find that my fervent prayers to God end when the disaster is over. Do you find this happening with you? Do you pray non-stop in the midst of trouble only to take a deep breath of relief when it’s over, and go back to your usual routine?
The problem with that is what my late pastor, Pastor Clemons, use to call taking withdraws without making deposits. Our spiritual account becomes in danger of experiencing an overdraft. That may sound like a religious cliché,’ but it’s the truth. Prayer is not only how we communicate with God it is how we establish a connection. Each prayer represents a deposit of time into creating a relationship that is built on a firm foundation.
It is this relationship that enables us to stand against evil and stand firm in the midst of trouble. The bible says in 1 John 5: 14 “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” This kind of confidence only comes if we do what Jesus advises in Luke 18:1” always pray and not faint.” Our spiritual strength is only as strong as our connection to God. Without him, we are like sheep waiting to be slaughtered. Don’t get slaughtered.
I want to share with you three tips that have kept me in sync with our Dad. First, I schedule my prayer time. It is the third thing I do when I hop out of bed each morning. First, I wash my face and brush my teeth. Because you don’t want to go to the Lord with bad breath. Right! Prayer starts my day, that does not mean that you cannot pray outside of your scheduled time. I find myself talking to God all day and listening for his response.
The second thing I like to do is write down my prayers. There’s something about looking in my journal and rereading a prayer entry that brings me joy. Writing them down makes them solid and real. Don’t panic. I am not asking you to write a short essay. Just two or three sentences and a scripture to pray and meditate on during your time with God. The third tip, which I find is lost on many of us, me included. Is to listen. Prayer is a two-way communication with God. You should not be doing all the talking all the time. Wisdom is born in silence.
To recap, here are the tools for a healthier prayer life:
Schedule a time to pray each day.
Write down your prayers in a journal.
Listen for God’s voice. Don’t do all the talking.
Lest we forget, we are at war. Prayer prepares us for battle and defeats the Enemy. Without prayer, the relationship you believe you have with God is only a figment of your imagination. Don’t wait until disaster strikes. Start building or rebuilding your relationship with God today. There is no time like the present to start.