Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

The Best Books for Managing Depression and Anxiety

Dealing with depression and anxiety can be challenging; I know because I have been dealing with them both for over a decade; one of the strategies I have found to be very helpful for me and for the clients I serve is reading; books can be powerful tools in coping with these mental health issues. They offer insights, strategies, and comfort that can help individuals like us navigate these difficult experiences. Here are four highly recommended books that I think can provide valuable support and guidance to help you craft a plan that works for you; reading about your illness may not be all you need; I have included the link to Psychology Today Find a therapist, if you would like to locate a therapist in your city that works in person and remotely. As you journey through midlife, you might find that the tools you used in the past to manage your mental health no longer work; it is totally okay to search for new tools so that you can continue living a life you love.

“The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook” by Edmund J. Bourne

This comprehensive workbook is a go-to resource for managing anxiety and phobias. It offers practical techniques, cognitive behavioral strategies, and exercises to help readers understand and overcome anxiety. The book also includes information on relaxation techniques, lifestyle changes, and coping skills.

“Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by David D. Burns

Dr. Burns’ book is a classic cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) classic. It provides readers with practical tools to combat depression and improve their mood. The book outlines the principles of CBT and offers practical advice on changing negative thinking patterns and behaviors.

“The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness” by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn

This book combines the principles of mindfulness with cognitive therapy to help individuals break free from the cycle of depression. It offers guided meditations, mindfulness practices, and cognitive strategies to cultivate self-awareness and acceptance.

“Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope” by Johann Hari

In this insightful book, Hari explores the societal and environmental factors that contribute to depression and anxiety. He argues that many cases of depression are not solely biological but are also influenced by social and cultural factors. The book offers a compassionate and hopeful perspective on overcoming depression.

These books offer valuable insights, practical advice, and compassionate support for those dealing with depression and anxiety. Whether you’re looking for coping strategies, understanding, or a sense of hope, these books can be valuable companions on your journey to mental health and well-being. Creating a plan to assist with your depression and anxiety before episodes occur is crucial for several reasons. Proactively developing coping mechanisms and support systems can help reduce the severity and duration of depressive and anxious episodes.

By having a plan, you can better manage your symptoms and maintain a higher quality of life. Additionally, understanding your triggers and learning effective techniques to address them can empower you to take control of your mental health. Preparing in advance also ensures that you have the necessary resources and support when needed most, helping you navigate challenging times with greater resilience and confidence. Remember, you do not have to take this journey alone; talk to family and friends about how you feel, and if that does not work, seek out the assistance of a professional therapist; you can research for one by checking out psychologytoday.com, that is where I found my therapist, and she is amazing. 

With Peace & Love,

Renee

Resources

Download our new book and get 20% off Liberate Your Life: A Journey to Self-Discovery and Wellness Journal 🌟 Introducing “Liberate Your Life: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Wellness” 🌟

Unlock the power within you and embark on a life-changing voyage of self-discovery with our transformative journal! 🚀

For a curated collection of inspirational and fun gifts for yourself or someone you love, visit Renee & Ruby’s. You will get 20% off your entire purchase, and Afterpay is available.

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Menopause and Heart Disease: What Women Need to Know

Menopause is a natural biological process that marks the end of a woman’s menstrual cycle. It typically occurs in women in their late 40s or early 50s, signaling the end of their reproductive years. While menopause is a normal part of aging, it can bring about various changes in the body, including an increased risk of heart disease.

The Link Between Menopause and Heart Disease

Heart disease is the leading cause of death for women in the United States, surpassing all forms of cancer combined. The risk of heart disease increases with age, and menopause seems to play a significant role in this increased risk.

During menopause, a woman’s body undergoes hormonal changes, particularly a decline in estrogen levels. Estrogen is believed to have a protective effect on the cardiovascular system, helping to maintain healthy blood vessels and lower cholesterol levels. As estrogen levels decrease during menopause, women become more susceptible to heart disease.

Understanding the Risks

Several factors contribute to the increased risk of heart disease in menopausal women:

  1. Changes in Cholesterol Levels: During menopause, there is often a shift in cholesterol levels, with an increase in LDL cholesterol (frequently referred to as “bad” cholesterol) and a decrease in HDL cholesterol (known as “good” cholesterol). This imbalance can lead to the buildup of plaque in the arteries, increasing the risk of heart attack and stroke.
  2. Weight Gain: Many women experience weight gain during menopause, particularly around the abdomen. Excess abdominal fat is associated with an increased risk of heart disease and other health issues.
  3. Increased Blood Pressure: Menopause can also lead to increased blood pressure, a significant risk factor for heart disease.
  4. Loss of Estrogen’s Protective Effects: Estrogen helps to relax blood vessels and maintain their elasticity. As estrogen levels decline during menopause, blood vessels may become stiffer, increasing the risk of hypertension and other cardiovascular issues.

Tips for Heart Health During Menopause

While menopause is a natural process that cannot be avoided, there are steps women can take to reduce their risk of heart disease:

  1. Eat a Heart-Healthy Diet: Focus on a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Limit saturated fats, trans fats, and cholesterol.
  2. Maintain a Healthy Weight: Aim for a healthy weight and waist circumference. Losing excess weight can help reduce the risk of heart disease.
  3. Stay Active: Regular physical activity is crucial for heart health. Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity each week.
  4. Quit Smoking: Smoking is a significant risk factor for heart disease. If you smoke, seek help to quit.
  5. Manage Stress: Chronic stress can contribute to heart disease. Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as meditation, yoga, or talking to a therapist.
  6. Get Regular Check-Ups: Regular visits to your healthcare provider can help monitor your heart health and catch any issues early.

Menopause is a natural stage of life, but women need to be aware of the increased risk of heart disease that comes with it. By taking proactive steps to maintain a healthy lifestyle, women can reduce their risk and enjoy a healthier, heart-healthy future. Awareness and education are crucial; understanding the changes happening in your body can empower you to make informed health decisions.

Remember, heart health is a lifelong journey. Stay informed, active, and connected with your healthcare provider to keep your heart in shape. Support from family, friends, and support groups can also play a vital role in maintaining motivation and commitment to a heart-healthy lifestyle. By prioritizing your heart health during and after menopause, you can significantly improve your quality of life and enjoy the years ahead with vitality and well-being.

Please share this post with someone you love, and have a beautiful day. 😊

With Peace & Love,

Renee

Resources:

Download our new book and get 20% off Liberate Your Life: A Journey to Self-Discovery and Wellness Journal 🌟 Introducing “Liberate Your Life: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Wellness” 🌟

Unlock the power within you and embark on a life-changing voyage of self-discovery with our transformative journal! 🚀

For a curated collection of inspirational and fun gifts for yourself or someone you love, visit Renee & Ruby’s. You will get 20% off your entire purchase, and Afterpay is available.

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Three Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Self-sabotage is uniquely human behavior.  Many of us sabotage ourselves when we decide we want something by doing everything to ensure we do not get it.  Sound familiar?  Although self-sabotage is a subconscious behavior, we can learn to manage it.

There are many reasons that you might sabotage yourself.  It is a widespread behavior rooted in fear of the unknown.  If you have immersed yourself in mediocrity, the idea of greatness may be frightening.  The first question you should ask yourself is are satisfied with your life.

Self-sabotaging behavior can look like procrastination, developing imposter syndrome, or adopting self-destructive behaviors.  To prevent these behaviors, we must find out why you are self-sabotaging.

Find out why you may self-sabotage:

  • Control.  You might self-sabotage because you need to be in control of your circumstances.  The easiest and most certain way to stay in control is to maintain your comfort zone.  Because if you step out of it and put your everything into achieving something great, you risk becoming vulnerable.  Your fear gets the best of you, and you self-sabotage.
  • Low self-esteem.  Do you feel unworthy of greatness?  You may have decided that happiness is beyond your reach.  Although this is a self-limiting belief, you can create a self-fulfilling prophecy by continuing to believe this untruth.
  • Distraction from painful memories.  You undermine your efforts by creating a life that is chaotic and unpredictable.  You feel the need to remain in a constant state of turmoil to distract yourself from painful memories or alleviate the loneliness in your life.

If you see yourself in any of these descriptions, it is okay because, in this post, I will share three ways that you can recognize and successfully manage self-sabotaging behavior.

Consider this process for defeating your self-sabotage:

  1. Observe your behavior.  First off, you must begin to observe yourself.  You can effectively do this by creating a self-sabotage journal.  Make a journal entry every time you realize that you have sabotaged yourself.  Describe the setting, circumstances, and result.  Avoid over-analyzing. Most often, a person’s true intentions are most evident in their actions rather than their words. Strive to be an impersonal observer in your journal. Eventually, you will gain a better understanding of your motives in certain situations.
  2. Envision success.  Keep in mind that success is neither black nor white.  Cultivate the habit of envisioning what success means to you and remember how it feels to achieve it.  If you do this consistently, you may find that you anticipate changes over time.
  3. Begin to see success as an integral part of your future but realize there will still be challenges.  For example, just like everyone else, you will still have to pay taxes and have relationship issues.
  4. Let go of the notion of perfection.  As you visualize success, are you still thinking that success equals perfection?  If so, it is time to realize that no one is perfect.
  • Your subconscious will not allow you to achieve success if you associate success with the impossible task of being perfect.
  • Think of your subconscious as a computer.  It does not know how to execute “do the impossible.”
  • If you associate success with fear, your subconscious will fight you the entire way.  Why?  Because its primary function is to protect you from perceived threats.


To eliminate this, let yourself anticipate success with excitement.  This will help you stop sending your subconscious the message, “Whatever you do, do not let me be successful!”  I think you would agree that it is time to put this type of thinking in the past. 

Instead, it is time to embrace the life you deserve by picturing yourself as successful and using one or all three of these coping strategies to help yourself snap out and get back on the right track.   Stop talking yourself out of success.  Instead, take it one day at a time, and cherish each moment of the journey.

With Peace and Love,

Renee

https://sowl.co/s/YYiGH
Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

The Courageous Woman’s Guide to Stop Thinking Like a Victim

Download Your Copy Here

So please share with you all the second book in the Courageous Woman’s Series, The Courageous Woman’s Guide to Stop Thinking Like a Victim.  This eBook and workbook bundle is for the woman who wants to stop living in the past and understands that she cannot give her present and future the attention they deserve until she changes how she thinks.  Plus, you will get a free 45-minute call with me; together we will create a plan to map out your future.

I get it; you are a grown woman and realizing that you are walking through life thinking like a victim can make you feel weak and vulnerable.  But the truth is until you put your past to rest, you will never be able to create a life filled with peace, love, and joy.

This ebook and workbook bundle is designed to help you figure out the thought patterns affecting your ability to make wise decisions, build lasting relationships, and accomplish your goals.  In addition, I will show you how to move through the pain of trauma, disappointment, and betrayals, how to forgive others and yourself.

It is time to shift your mindset so that you can go deeper, higher, faster you know that you were created to something more in your life; if you are tired of feeling stuck and overwhelmed, download the Courageous Woman’s Guide to Stop Thinking Like a Victim and create the future you want. 

You will regret tomorrow for not starting today. 

With Peace and Love,

Renee

Download Your Copy Here

PS We are healing ourselves and helping others.  $1 of your purchase will be donated to the Atlanta Mission; our goal is $700 to help them continue the incredible work in housing, clothing, and supporting homeless mothers and their families.  Thank you for your support.

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Taking Care of An Elderly Relative-Things You Need to Consider

If you are part of the Sandwich generation, a group of individuals between 40-50.  You are probably taking care of your minor children and an elderly or disabled family member.  Current statistics estimate that “47 percent of adults in their 40s and 50s are supporting an aging parent in their 70s while also managing their kids.”  Due to economic pressures and longer life spans, intergenerational households are becoming more common.  According to the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers, the number of parents living with their adult children increased by over 64 percent even in the years before the 2008 recession.

   There can be drawbacks and benefits to having grandparents and grandchildren sharing one roof.  While every family is different, and your concerns may be unique, today’s post is meant to help address the many issues involved when you become a caregiver for an elderly or disabled family member.

Financial and Logistical Factors

  1. If feasible, pool your resources.  For example, with a combined household income, you might be able to afford a bigger house or a more convenient neighborhood.  The extra amenities will make the adjustment easier.

  2. Hire an attorney.  Consulting a lawyer about family matters does not have to be awkward.  Think of it as protecting your assets and preventing conflicts.  In addition, written agreements can make final estate settlements much smoother.

  3. If possible, create a rental agreement.  Your parent or disabled relative may be willing to help cover expenses.  Then, decide how you’re going to divide costs for housing, food, and other budget items, or simply charge them a flat rate that is fair and comparable to the amenities you are offering.

  4. Help with the paperwork.  Many seniors are computer savvy, but you should be ready to pitch in with some research and documentation for insurance claims and other services.  Plus, sifting through boxes and files now will help you put things in order while your relative is still alive.

  5. Create a family budget.  Caregiving can be expensive.  Ask yourself how you feel about cutting back on vacations or dipping into your own savings to assist with your parent’s bills or take care of the added expense of bringing another adult into your home.

  6. Adapt your home.  Many renovations make life simpler for seniors with limited mobility or other concerns.  Consider electric stairlifts or grab bars in the bathroom to prevent falls.  Contact

  7. Plan ahead.  In addition to solving today’s challenges, consider what your parent’s condition will be like 5 or 15 years down the road.  Then, be realistic about how much you can do on your own to care for them.

Emotional and Social Factors

  1. Assess your relationships.  Living together may draw you closer together if you already get along well.  On the other hand, a history of significant conflicts may indicate that you and your parents would be better off making further arrangements.

  2. Create ground rules.  Look for ways to maximize your parent’s independence and everyone’s privacy.  For example, clarify expectations about mealtimes, noise levels, and housework.

  3. Involve your children.  While living with grandparents creates terrific opportunities for bonding and developing compassion, there are challenges too.  Spend one-on-one time with your sons and daughters, especially if they’re giving up their bedrooms or a portion of your daily attention.

  4. Take care of yourself.  Remember to nurture yourself and your marriage while taking on other responsibilities.  For example, date nights may be easier if you count on your parents instead of looking for a babysitter.  If that is not possible, think about hiring someone, even if it is only for a couple of hours.

  5. Encourage socializing.  Staying engaged is vital for your parent’s wellbeing, and it will take some of the pressure off you.  Check out the senior neighborhood centers and cultural programs.

  6. Seek support.  Talk with your siblings about how to collaborate on paying your parents back for the love and guidance they gave you.  You can also find classes and support groups for caregivers through churches, local adult and family agencies, or organizations like the National Alliance for Caregiving.

     With all, what do you do when you are forced to take care of a relative that you are not fond of?  Perhaps that relative was abusive when you were younger, or maybe you just have no relationship with this individual?   Whether it’s a parent or another relative, the same tips would apply.  It might also be helpful to pay close attention to establishing a self-care routine and support system that nourishes you to reduce the inevitable level of stress and overwhelm.

   Think long and hard before you respond if your aging parent asks about moving in with you.  Be sure to include your children and your significant other if they are old enough.  If things do not work out, it can be tough to tell your mother that she will have to find somewhere else to live.  Careful planning and honest communication will help you decide on a plan that your family will be happy to live with.

With Peace and Love,

Renee

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Abandonment:  Reclaiming Our Power from This Ugly Word

     Abandonment is an ugly word, and the emotions it conjures up are just as unpleasant. If you have been left behind by someone you loved, or someone who was supposed to love and take care of you, you might be feeling like you are not good enough. You might be asking why they didn’t fight for me? “Abandonment issues can trigger depression, mistrust, and irrational amounts of fear. These issues affect daily life, careers, friendships, and romantic relationships.”  If this sounds like you, I know exactly how you feel. When I was eight, my dad left us, and I only saw him sporadically until I was 24 and expecting my first child. We had a good relationship when we reconnected, but we never talked about why he left, and I never really got the closure I needed before he passed away.

    But, you don’t have to continue feeling like a victim of your circumstances; you can reclaim your power and heal. But the one thing that requires is acknowledging how you feel. Don’t try to cover the pain or push it down. Stop telling yourself that it happened a long time ago, and it doesn’t matter. By acknowledging how you feel, you open the opportunities to heal and move on.

     Acknowledging how you feel does not require you to confront the person who hurt you; if you do not want to, you can admit how you feel in your journal, speaking to a friend, a coach, or a therapist. When we stop trying to hide the hurt and do the work to heal, we reclaim our self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love, and no one can take that away from us.

With Peace and Love,

Renee

https://mailchi.mp/edf3b180990e/the-self-motivation-challenge

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Before you Say Take This Job and Shove It! Five Ways to Manage A Job You Hate

Listen to episode 59 of The Welcome to Your Life Podcast: Before you Say Take This Job and Shove It! Five Ways to Manage a Job You Hate

     I, like many of you, have had to work a job that raised my stress and anxiety levels every day I had to go in, which is sad because, “for many of us, a large portion of our days are spent at work; in fact, the average person will spend 90,000 hours at work over a lifetime.” So, what do you do when you find yourself working a job you just cannot stand? This can happen for a myriad of reasons; it might be your job duties, your work environment, the commute, or the personality of your supervisor. But even though you need the paycheck every two weeks, it gets harder and harder to force yourself to go to work.

      Before you use up all your sick and vacation time, avoid the temptation to just quit. The situation might be salvageable. However, even if you decide to leave, it is best to do so with a plan. You can empower yourself to face a job that no longer serves your needs with the right strategy.

Before you give in to the urge to quit, consider these tips:

Understand exactly why you do not like your job. If you can pinpoint the challenges of your current position, you might be able to resolve them. At the very least, you can ensure the next job you take does not have the same issues. So, take time to sit quietly and make a list of what you do not like? Be specific!

Boss?

Hours?

Work environment?

Pay?

Co-workers?

Your job description or duties?

Change what you can. Do you have the power to change the aspects of your job that you do not like? For example, you might be able to alter your schedule or move to a different cubicle. There might be other positions within the company that would be a better use of your skillset. Whatever you do, avoid being a victim and look for ways to change your situation.

Develop your skills. There might be aspects of your current position that you simply cannot stand. But that does not mean you cannot learn valuable skills or get the necessary experience to move to the next level. List the benefits of your current position? What existing skills can you improve? What new skills can you learn?

Be grateful. I know this sounds hard, but gratitude is a great tool to help you get through the rough spots in your life. Make a list of all the benefits of having your job. Looking for the good in any situation will give you the strength you need to hold on until you can make a change.

Plan your exit strategy. We have all dreamt of flipping over a table and yelling; I quit as we walk gallantly out the door but do not make this move too quickly. Instead, take time to identify your options. What is the best choice you can make for your long-term future?

List the qualities you are looking for in your ideal job, boss, and co-workers.

What specifically do you not like about your current position?

What companies interest you? Why?

Will you need additional training to get your ideal job?

Will your current employer pay for that training?

When was the last time you updated your resume or CV?

Who can you reach out to for advice or job leads?

What is your current financial picture?

How long will you be able to pay in bills without your current paycheck?

     The most important tip I have for you is to be patient. Patience is a virtue and much needed during this time of transition. When you make decisions too quickly, you might regret them later. Taking your time will ensure that you are making the right move for yourself and your family. It might be uncomfortable now, but you will save yourself the wasted time and heartache when you do not plan your next move.

     Everyone has dealt with a job they do not like; this would be a great time to reach out to a friend or trusted colleague and ask for their advice.  Just know you are not alone, and before you quit, you can take a deep breath and plan your escape with intention and grace.

With Peace and Love,

Renee

Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Five Ways to Let Go of Being a Victim and Gain Control Over Your Life

      Listen to Episode the Welcome to Your Life Podcast Episode 58: Five Ways to Let Go of Being a Victim and Gain Control Over Your Life

Our new E-Book and Workbook selection from The Courageous Woman’s Book Club is entitled The Courageous Woman’s Guide to Stop Thinking Like a Victim.  This book was difficult for me to complete; as I worked through the exercises myself, I began to release the mind demons holding me captive. Finally, I realized that my thinking like a victim had helped me settle into my role as a casualty of my life way too comfortably, and it cost me money, time, relationships, and dignity. So, I wrote this book and workbook to help other women reclaim their lives from the trauma, disappointment, and betrayal that threatened to take them out.

     My question to you is, is a victim mindset keeping you from living up to your full potential and delaying your life’s purpose?  Do you feel that people get in your way and are plotting to keep you inside your current situation?  Do you feel because of past circumstances, you are not meant to succeed? Or have you been let down so often by others that you have lost your self-confidence?  I am here to tell you that despite the frustrations, setbacks, and the lack of trust you may have in others, you can change how you think and create the life you want to live.

     Thinking like a victim is not an isolated event; it can negatively permeate every area of your life, including your career, family, and other relationships. It can have a destructive impact on your ability to succeed at anything and trap you in a cycle of unhappiness and pain.   Besides these soul-crushing effects of thinking like a victim, there is another negative consequence I would like you to consider. When you think that you’re always the victim, you might avoid taking responsibility for anything, and if that is the case, you also feel like there’s nothing you can do to solve your challenges.

     Today I want to share with you five strategies that you can start using now to take back your life by taking responsibility for your situation and gaining the power to control how you react to your circumstances! Remember, change is scary even when trying to do something positive in your life, so let’s be brave; acknowledge that tackling your mindset is not easy, but it is necessary for a powerful life.    

     When you decide to try these strategies to dislodge your negative thinking and uproot your feelings of being a victim, you will set yourself free, and no one can do that for you except you.  These strategies will help you to increase your awareness and stop feeling sorry for yourself. 

  • Increase your awareness. if you think like a victim, you cannot help but feel sorry for yourself.  Feeling sorry for yourself is a heavy emotional weight to carry each day it drains your energy and blinds you to the positive things in your life.  What you are aware of, you can control and change. You will become more intentional in how you live.  When you feel your thinking steering you towards a thought of “why does this always happen to me,” you can recognize the belief and change course.
  •    Stop waiting for someone to rescue you. If you have followed me for any time, you know I believe in creating a village to support you while you are on your healing journey, but you shouldn’t expect your support system to solve all your issues.      If you’re bound by a victim mindset, you may be searching for someone to save you. However, this strategy can lead to more hurt feelings.  So, while it may be tempting to turn to your friends, family, coworkers, or neighbors for help.  It is unfair to put the weight of your recovery on the shoulders of others.   You might believe that you cannot change without the assistance of other people.   The truth is that you have the strength and power to change your own thoughts, but it will require you to recognize your inner courage and use it to change how you think. No one else can do this for you.
  • Be sure to take responsibility.   Don’t take the easy way out of blaming your circumstances on other people.  To heal this type of mindset, you must take control and acknowledge your own responsibility.  Taking responsibility for how you think will move you one step closer to eliminating the victim mindset. This is how you take back your power and your life.
  •  Try Prayer or meditation.  Prayer and meditation is a powerful tool.  It can calm the anxiety that change often brings and help you find peace. It can also help you turn inward, increase your self-awareness, and see your victim mindset.  Both will help you to realize how your mind and body react to negativity or stress. This allows you to focus your energy and change your thought process.  Now you can become an observer, find closure, and stop the victim cycle.
  • Discover and implement your favorite stress-relieving activity.  Stress only perpetuates thinking like a victim.  Meditation is one option I help my clients initiate for coping with stress. You may want to try yoga, swimming, running, walking, boxing, or other types of exercise. In addition, you can manage your stress by doing hobbies you love, such as knitting, reading, or drawing.  Managing your stress will empower you and help you create a new mindset that is stronger and healthier. 

     You can reclaim your power as you experiment with different stress-relieving activity.  In time you will learn how to avoid or diminish negative thinking in your personal space.  Your first response will not be to blame others, your luck, or your circumstances.  Instead, you will manage your emotions with calm and ease.  It is time to regain your power.

With Peace and Love,

Renee

Hi guys, my name is Renee.  I am a Certified Coach and Yoga teacher host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life Podcast and the Courageous Woman’s Book Club founder.      Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.

This month our goal is to raise $700 for the Atlanta Mission to help support homeless moms and their children-download The Courageous Woman’s Guide to Stop Thinking Like a Victim E-Book and Workbook Bundle. You get both for only $5. Take control of your circumstances and create the life you want to live. We donate $1 from every purchase.

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Posted on by Midlife Made Easier

Five Things Every Single Mom Should Consider Before Dating Again

Click here to listen to Episode 57 of The Welcome to Your Life Podcast-Five Things Every Single Mom Should Consider Before Dating Again

Hey, I get it; being a single mom can be lonely and scary.  Like everyone else, single moms want to be in a stable, loving relationship.  The problem happens when we try to manifest those relationships before we’ve gotten ourselves, our children, and our households in order.  When I learned that my ex-husband had started dating, I jumped headfirst into the dating scene.  After 20 years of being with one guy, I thought how hard could it be for me to find someone new; he did it, so I tried to meet guys on dating apps, in clubs, and through mutual acquaintances.  But I wasn’t ready, and my children weren’t ready.  Maybe, like me, after seeing your ex with a new partner, your first inclination is to find someone new; I had to learn the hard way that whether I was dating or not, my household was complete.

      Today, I want to share five things every single mom should attend to before they start dating.  These are the things I wish someone had told me before I tried to start dating again.  Now, as with any advice, you can take it or leave it, gleam what works for you and leave the rest.  But, I promise you that if you take your time and work through this checklist when you decide to start dating, you will feel less overwhelmed, more in control, and just plain happier, and so will your kids. You will enjoy the experience more and choose partners who have what you want and not just because you are desperate to be part of a couple.

 1.  Heal:  Make sure that you have healed from your past relationship. Break-ups are hard.  Often, we blame the other person as much as we blame ourselves, and as painful as it is, we must allow ourselves to feel the pain of this loss.  In my 12 years of working with single moms, I have found that it doesn’t matter how atrocious the relationship had become, or if the break-up was a mutual decision and you parted as friends, we still need to grieve.  So, allow yourself time to go through the grieving process.  The time is different for everyone; ending a relationship in which you have invested time, energy, and love will be hard on you emotionally, physically, and possibly financially.  One surefire way to sabotage a new relationship is to bring the unpacked baggage from your old relationship into your new one.

2. Make Sure Your Kids Are Adjusting: Break-ups are hard on kids like you; they have come to depend on the other person being in their life. They need your assurance that everything is going to be okay. Sit down and speak with your children, answer their questions, and explain how things are going to work from now on, including visitation, living arrangements, and who will pick them up from school. Your child may be dealing with some anger and grief now that you and your ex have called it quits. Make sure that you have a stable routine, and don’t be afraid to find some professional help. As a Parent Advocate and Case Manager, I helped moms and dads find a licensed professional counselor to help their kids dealing with anxiety and depression. Some kids have a hard time processing this change in their family and begin to act out at home and school. It is impossible to deal with a brand-new relationship while trying to ensure that you and your children are adjusting well.


3. Organize Your Household: Create a morning and evening routine for yourself and your children. Routines help children to feel safe and more in control. It will decrease the amount of overwhelm you feel when trying to get through your day and deal with your feelings and their feelings. Get out the calendar and assign household chores, schedule homework, mealtimes, after-school activities, visitation, and family time. To make your mornings less stressful, you can layout everyone’s outfits for the following day, make sure backpacks and lunches are packed, sign all school-related paperwork, and set the table for breakfast the next day. As moms, our #1 job is to ensure that our children feel safe and secure in their environment. I promise when they feel safe and secure, you will be much happier.


4. Get Your Finances in Order: Use this time of uncoupling to organize your finances, create a simple budget that includes your income, debts, and savings. No matter how bleak your financial outlook appears, it’s crucial to handle the money that is going in and out of your home with care. I learned this the hard way. In the early years of my single parenting journey, not having a budget cost me thousands of dollars in late fees. I don’t want that to be your financial story. You may need to find a new job or go back to school to learn a new skill. But you will never get a handle on your finances until you get the courage to make a budget and write things down. The worst mistake I see single moms making is finding someone to help them with their household expenses. If someone is helping you financially-they are going to want a say in how your household operates and how you raise your children. Ask yourself, am I ready to share or give up control. Think of this as a time to simplify your life and focus on yourself and your children. You are a strong and capable woman able to take care of yourself and your children.


5. Create Your Village: “Children who have single parents will also have many supporters.”  You can do this alone, but you do not have to do it alone. I do not know where my children and I would be right now if I did not support my family, friends, and church family. Raising children as a single mom is hard work; it can be physically, emotionally, and financially exhausting. You need someone in your corner to support you and your children. You need someone to vent to, relax with, and someone who will gladly watch your kids so that you can have some “me” time. Your village will include help for you and role models for your kids, so make sure that you vet everyone who comes into your circle to make sure that you share the same values.
I know that single parenting can be lonely, and I would never tell you not to date again, but you can never be too careful with children in the mix. When flying solo, you only had to worry about your broken heart if things didn’t work out; as a mom, you now must watch out for the little hearts under your charge. Following one or all five tips will help you be sure that you and your children are ready when you invite a new personality into your household.


What’s your advice on single moms and dating? Post in the comments!
With Peace and Love,
Renee

Hi guys, my name is Renee.  I am a Certified Coach and Yoga teacher host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life Podcast and the Courageous Woman’s Book Club founder.      Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.

This month our goal is to raise $700 for the Atlanta Mission to help support homeless moms and their children-download The Courageous Woman’s Guide to Stop Thinking Like a Victim E-Book and Workbook Bundle. You get both for only $5. Take control of your circumstances and create the life you want to live. We donate $1 from every purchase.

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Posted on by Midlife Made Easier · 2 Comments

Don’t Let Anyone Tell You Forgiveness Is Easy

“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

Mel Robbins

    Forgiveness is not easy, and anyone who tells you otherwise probably was not that angry to begin with; my journey towards forgiveness has been rocky, to be sure. But I do not want you to think I am asking you to consider doing something that I have not had to do myself.  My childhood was rough; a lot happened to me that no child should experience; one of those events was when my day left us when I was eight.  I only saw him sporadically for the next 16 years.

      I blamed him for not being there to protect me from all the crap that I endured.   When my first child was born, I had a decision to make, stay angry with my dad, I mean, who would blame me.  There was a part of me that wanted to hold on to my anger and continue the cycle of pain and abandonment. I was used to those feelings; they felt safe, but how could I do that to my son? Have you become comfortable with your anger?

       I chose to forgive, and my children have some of the best memories of Papa J.T. he never missed a church play or baseball game; he was the one they called when they missed the bus for school.  And he and I patched up our relationship, which was so wonderful; when he died, I had no regrets.

     No regrets, which was a beautiful side effect of me forgiving him, we developed a lovely relationship that we could not have had without me forgiving him.  I will always be grateful.  

If you chose not Failing to forgive will make you miserable. Creating and maintaining negative thoughts doesn’t feel good. Pleasant thoughts support an excellent mood. By refusing to forgive the person that wronged you, you’re harming yourself.

You’ll be stronger. Forgiveness can be challenging! Staying angry is easy in a certain way. Show yourself just how strong you are. Take a deep breath and forgive. It becomes easier with time.

    Don’t let anyone tell you that forgiveness is easy; it is not, but if you want to get on with your life and create something beautiful without regrets, let go of the comfort of your anger and forgive the person that hurt you, remember forgiveness is for you.

With Love and Peace,

Renee

Hi guys, my name is Renee.  I am a Certified Coach and Yoga teacher host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life Podcast and the Courageous Woman’s Book Club founder.      Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.

This month our goal is to raise $700 for the Atlanta Mission to help support homeless moms and their children-download The Courageous Woman’s Bible Discovery Journal. It’s only $3.58. Connect or reconnect with God in 15 minutes a day. -We donate $1 from every purchase.

Join the Group: Ready to heal, connect, and grow? Join the free Welcome to Your Life! Facebook Group for training, support, and love

Check out past episodes of the Welcome to Your Life Podcast. Don’t forget to follow.