Monitor your eating habits. Stop eating like a 25-year-old. While the milkshakes, burgers, and fries may not have wreaked havoc on our wellness journey when we were younger, a fast-food diet can derail the progress we have made. As we get older, our metabolism changes and our bodies no longer burn calories as quickly as it did when we were younger. Stop eating late at night. Eating and drinking late at night could cause reflux, weight gain, and interfere with our ability to get a good night’s sleep.
Work with me! Apply Here This program is for midlife women between the ages of 45-60 whose lives have been frozen due to trauma, guilt, emotional neglect, disappointments, unforgiveness, or harsh breakups. Each week we will dive into a lesson from my upcoming course, A Mindful and Graceful Life. If you are looking to live a mindful and graceful life if you feel that it’s time to lose weight naturally, reduce your stress, increase your joy, and begin the journey of making peace with your mind and body this is the program for you. This individual program is by invitation only, if you are ready to up-level your life and heal, Apply here.
Midlife can be hard on our self-confidence and self-esteem. If you have any contact with social media, you will have noticed how everyone is striving to be perfect. Suddenly you cannot post a selfie without at least one filter or go out for dinner without showing your curated plate of food. Even your dog must look perfect.
It is easy to get stuck in comparison mode, and if we are not careful, we will lose our joy.
What if you just decided to take a step away from all the competition? Leave all that clamoring for likes and hearts to others? What if you chose merely to enjoy your life without sharing it with the world? Here are four ways to reclaim your life and reenergize your joy.
Stop judging
You can decide right now to stop analyzing other people, looking for what is wrong with their face or their body or their life choices. Refocus your mindset so that you stop seeing differences as flaws, but as ways that make each of us unique.
Let go of the urge to criticize others, and you will notice that your negative self-talk will begin to diminish.
Accept your imperfection
Wanting to be the best version of you is not the same as being a perfectionist. A perfectionist is never happy with who they are, how they look, or how they are doing. There was a time when I would not post a video unless I was in full make-up. I can laugh now, but it seriously hampered how I was able to connect with you guys. I realize now that being my best means I work hard, and I do not give up. Stop blaming yourself when things are not perfect, learn from the setbacks and failures and recalibrate, and never take failure personally.
Relax and enjoy the process
Do you ponder every detail of your plan until you get nothing done? My coach is always telling me that “done is better than perfect”. Trying to wait to do something fantastic in your life until everything is perfect will only put your life and dreams on hold. When you embrace imperfection as a natural part of life, it frees you up to enjoy the ride.
Obstacles become challenges that make life more enjoyable. You can slow down and notice all the good things there are in your life.
Adopt imperfection as a way of life
Once you make peace with imperfection, you can be a lot more objective about your life. Your perspective changes, and what once seemed overwhelmingly important suddenly does not matter so much. All our experiences become just another aspect of a life lived richly. These experiences, no matter how jacked up, will help you to create the person who is continually evolving.
Imperfection stops being something to avoid at all costs. Think about it like this: perfection implies stasis, something you achieve and have to tend. It is fragile and vulnerable. It puts an end to growth. And then what? You do not want to stop learning and growing and developing, do you? Embracing imperfection means there is always an opportunity to learn and grow and become a better person.
Say it with me, from today forward I will enjoy my imperfect self.
Let me help you lose your next eight pounds. Join me for the next cohort of the Couch to 5K Walking and Clean Eating Challenge Training starts on October 4th -Race Day is October 31st each participant in the 5K program will receive a beautiful medal and bragging rights. Check out the Entire Program Here! See you at the starting line.
I get it, this was going to be your year. 2020 was the year you were going to lose weight, get a new job, disconnect from distracting or destructive relationships. Find your soul mate, really take hold of your self-care, and make it a regular thing. Maybe, you were well on your way to making this happen, and then the world fell apart, and you with it. I am here to tell you and myself that it is not too late to make your new life happen. You can still make significant changes to your mind, body, and spirit. Guess what! I have a plan to help us do it.
This plan is going to require us to take some baby steps every day because real change does not happen in a day; it occurs when we make small shifts towards what we want. Make sure that you hit the follow button so that you do not miss a post because, over the next couple of weeks, I am going to share with you 30 easy to implement life-changing tools and tips that will help you to transform your life. Real self-care is more than just getting a manicure or a massage. It is the culmination of everything you do for yourself physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and financially.
Some of these tips may sound unnecessary, but hey do them anyway, remember it is the culmination of our efforts that creates real change.
So, let us start. Today, I want you to take out that massive goal list that you prepared at the beginning of the year, focus on one area, and create three smaller goals that will help you to complete the task. For example, if you want to work out every day instead of focusing on an hour’s workout, try 20 minutes. “Every time you set and achieve a goal, your confidence and sense of competence increases.” If you have been struggling to get your two-hour writing session done, then opt for 15 minutes a day, in a week you will have written 105 minutes that’s a blog, book chapter, short story, or podcast episode.
Setting smaller goals will reduce overwhelm and keep your life balanced. So, what do you say what area of your life will you focus on with your three tiny goals? I would love to hear about your success.
Self-care and self-love are so intertwined that, to me, they are the same. It’s hard to love yourself when you are not taking care of yourself. I know that we must take care of others, but real self-care is a conscious desire to take care of our own physical and emotional needs. We are about to start a new month. This would be an excellent time for you to set your intention and start or restart your self-care plan. Self-care is your superpower; without it, we are only half showing up for the people and things we love.
Your self-care can show up in many ways, journaling, meditation, exercising regularly, scheduling your medical appointments. The point is to ensure that your physical and mental well-being is at the top of your crowded “to do” list. When you do this, you can genuinely help others with an open heart. Otherwise, resentment will rise, and you will feel guilty for the genuine feelings emanating from your spirit. Because, self-care is your superpower!
So, take some time today and make a list of all the things you need to feel happy and whole. To have peace and live courageously and connected to the spaces you inhabit. You deserve it-give yourself permission to have it.
$5 of your registration will be donated to the Atlanta Mission to help them provide safe housing and meals for homeless mothers and their children: SIGN UP YOU’RE YOUR MEDAL IS WAITING:
It always fascinates me how in 2020, we can be so digitally connected and yet feel so alone. Loneliness can be a part of midlife for many reasons, divorce, death of a spouse, or an empty nest. A Psychology Today article contends that loneliness does not depend on your social circle; more than 60% of married people admitted to feeling lonely. In the United States,40% of midlife folks are affected by loneliness, and this could lead to some devastating health outcomes.
If you feel lonely, you are not alone. In 2010 AARP commissioned a study that classified loneliness by age; the results were astounding. Using the UCLA Loneliness Scale, they measured the percent of lonely adults by age group:
Ages 40-49 – 43%
Ages 50-59 – 41%
Ages 60-69 – 32%
Ages 70+ – 25%
How can you protect yourself from the devastating effects of loneliness?
Nurture existing relationships: this step helped me to combat my loneliness, I make a point each day to contact a family member or friend. And since we are practicing social distancing due to the virus, I reach out to work colleagues a couple of times each week to stay connected.
Find a hobby: this one was a little bit harder because the things I enjoy don’t necessarily require company, but it has been a real joy cycling with my friend and organizing family walks. You could start a bowling league or book club and invite family and friends. Or, do something entirely out of your comfort zone like ballroom dancing and make some new friends.
Volunteer: One of the best ways to get your mind off yourself is to give back to your community. Find a place to donate your time and gift that organization with your gifts and talents. Time spent volunteering will put you into social situations that will help you to meet new people in a safe environment.
If your loneliness persists or turns into isolation, don’t be afraid to seek help, many organizations such as Better Help offer online therapeutic services. As with any service, do your due diligence and research before you commit. Also, check out the Coalition to End Isolation and Loneliness; this is a non-profit organization that works to assist individuals with local and national resources to end loneliness.
It is a myth that the older you get, the lonelier you will become, yes, your life will change, kids grow up and move out, you might get divorced, or your spouse might pass away, maybe your friend of 25 years will move to another state. I have found that one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to be flexible and to live your life with a curious mind.
You probably had a list of items you were going to accomplished while being quarantined at home. I know I did, my cleaning and organizing alone were going to take me through the 30- day shelter at home order our Governor had put into effect. But I spent the first week with the rest of America lying on the sofa glued to the newsfeed and its unsettling statistics. If that is where you are right now, it is okay.
While your family and friends are sewing protective masks, planning summer gardens, and hosting fundraisers for the essential workers that keep us fed, protected, and cared for, which are all excellent activities to be involved in right now. You and I need to take some time to show ourselves some compassion. The Coronavirus has created an unprecedented time in all our lives. We need to allow ourselves time to grieve the comforting regularity of our normal routines and for the many families who have lost loved ones to COVID-19.
If you would like to get some things done while you’re in isolation, let me share with you how I slowly peeled myself off the sofa.
Break up your large goals into smaller ones. Take your “to do” list and select three items you would like to complete. Do this each day until the list is complete. Don’t add any new items to the list until you have completed the current one.
Take a break; these breaks allow you to recharge and refocus and reduce the negative self-talk that can sneak up on you when you are just not in the mood to complete a task. Negative self-talk starts with something along the lines of “I will never get this done.” It will break your spirit and make it hard for you to tap into the personal power you need to make it through to the end.
If you write the next great American novel, during the time of COVID-19 congratulations, and if you emerge with your sanity intact, and an organized closet, congratulations to you too.
Note: Today’s blog has a new format; I will be answering a question from one of readers. If you have a question you would like to ask about health and wellness, relationships, or life, please email me at info@reneereid.net, and your question could be featured on a future podcast.
Today’s question is from Brandiss, she writes, I am 50 years old and was diagnosed with depression about six years ago. I am married and have two teenaged daughters, I have been trying to explain my diagnosis to my family, but they don’t seem to understand what I am going through. Now that we are all stuck home together, I thought this would be a good time for us to have an honest conversation. How should I start?
Brandiss, thank you so much for your question; I know that the pandemic, social isolation, and sheltering in place has been a trigger for many of us suffering from a mental health disorder. I am so grateful to be out of bed today. As a Mental Health Practitioner, I worked with families to help them to understand their loved one’s diagnosis so that they can be a natural support for them once our services ended. Sometimes, it worked. Sometimes it didn’t.
I know we have made a lot of progress, but there is still a stigma attached to a mental health diagnosis. I applaud you and anyone who has the courage not only to face their diagnosis but also to share it with their families so that they can begin to understand and provide valuable help when it is needed. I have four tips that I think will work well for you and anyone dealing with a chronic illness. Your mental illness is probably not going to go away but can be managed successfully. These four steps should get the conversation started.
Education: Don’t skip this step; it would help if family members had a bird’s eye view of exactly what symptoms and causes of your mental health diagnosis. They don’t need a dissertation; you can simply give them a pamphlet, article, or book. You can provide the information and then give them time to digest it and ask you questions. Check out this TEDx talk by Dr. Lloyd Sederer entitled When Mental Illness Enters a Family. You and your family can watch Dr. Sederer’s talk together.
Be Clear on What You Need: This is not the time to have family members guessing on how to help you, guesswork will just increase the stress for both you and your loved one. So, tell them, when I feel this way__________, I need you too___________. Remember that you and your family members are dealing with something that even the medical community doesn’t fully understand. For example, when I am having an anxiety attack, I need you to remind me of one of my coping strategies, whether that’s journaling, walking, listening to a meditation recording, or yelling into a pillow. Knowing what to do will empower your family members.
Explain your triggers: If you have worked with a mental health practitioner, then you’ve heard of triggers. Discuss yours with your family so that they can be aware that a person, place, thing, or event can trigger an episode for you. About three years ago, I was working with a client who was diagnosed with OCD. We sat down with her kids and explained to them that leaving the shoes and bookbags at the front door when they came home from school was a trigger for mom. Instead, we asked them to take all their belongings to their room. Because when they dropped them at the door, this triggered mom to want to clean for two or three hours instead of cooking dinner. If possible, schedule a meeting with you and your family and your therapist. They can provide real support for you as you try to explain to your family how they can help.
Guard your feelings: sometimes, family members and friends can be very supportive and loving, and sometimes they will just not understand. You do not have to argue with them or try to convince them that what you are feeling is real. Remember that Supportive Loved Ones Come in All Shapes and Sizes, if you cannot find natural support from your family and friends, look for it in the form of professional assistance from a therapist, case manager, or coach. Search for online support groups or start your own. While you want family members to be there for you, give yourself permission to focus on getting well.
If you are trying to provide support for someone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness check out Nami the National Alliance ON Mental Illness -they have an excellent program called Family to Family that is designed to help family members have a better understanding about mental illness and how they can be supportive. I took this program way back in 2010 and it was a great resource.
So, you had a bad eating day, who hasn’t, this journey toward health is a marathon, not a sprint, so allow yourself some grace, or you won’t last. If what you’ve eaten today does not necessarily line up with your healthy eating plan. Write down why! What happened that threw you off track:
Did you forget to pack your lunch? Did you skip breakfast? Did you stay up late watching the news and didn’t get enough sleep? Are you sad?
When you take a step back and look at the day through your logical eye and not emotions, you can pinpoint the trigger and correct your course. Overeating does not make you a bad person or a lost cause. It makes you human!
So, you had a bad eating day, who hasn’t, this journey toward health is a marathon, not a sprint, so allow yourself some grace, or you won’t last. If what you’ve eaten today does not necessarily line up with your healthy eating plan. Write down why! What happened that threw you off track:
Did you forget to pack your lunch? Did you skip breakfast? Did you stay up late watching the news and didn’t get enough sleep? Are you sad?
When you take a step back and look at the day through your logical eye and not emotions, you can pinpoint the trigger and correct your course. Overeating does not make you a bad person or a lost cause. It makes you human!
So, you had a bad eating day, who hasn’t, this journey toward health is a marathon, not a sprint, so allow yourself some grace, or you won’t last. If what you’ve eaten today does not necessarily line up with your healthy eating plan. Write down why! What happened that threw you off track:
Did you forget to pack your lunch? Did you skip breakfast? Did you stay up late watching the news and didn’t get enough sleep? Are you sad?
When you take a step back and look at the day through your logical eye and not emotions, you can pinpoint the trigger and correct your course. Overeating does not make you a bad person or a lost cause. It makes you human!
Don’t Forget to Share, Comment, and Follow Daily Strategies to Help Make Midlife Easier
Nighttime eating can ruin the physical and emotional progress you’ve made during the day. There are several reasons why we continue to eat after the dinner meal is over. It could be that you’re bored, hungry, or using food to meet a need other than hunger.
To end the struggle, try creating a routine. Make sure that you are getting enough sleep and spread out your meals during the day. Take out a piece of paper right now and write down your eating and sleeping schedule for the next week. Spreading meals out through the day will help you to feel less hungry at night. Make sure your meals include a protein, grain, veggie, and a healthy fat.
Remember, if your body is used to eating more calories than it needs, it might take seven to ten days for it to self-regulate when you start eating the calories you need to live and thrive.
Don’t Forget to Share, Comment, and Follow I Provide Daily Strategies to Help Make Midlife Easier
Note: The blog has a new format; during this time of crisis, I will be answering your questions. I hope that in some small way this will be of service to you all. If you have a question, you would like to ask, please leave it in the comments or email me at info@reneereid.net. Let me know if you would like your name to be used.
Today’s question is from Laura: She writes, “I am 52 years old and like most of us, I am working from home. My kids are home from school and my husband is working from home as well. I used to pride myself on my productivity at work and at home, but in the last week my productivity has plummeted. My boss was tracking my work and called to say she noticed I wasn’t getting much done. Help!!!!
Okay, that title might be a little over the top, but that is just how I feel now. And as you can see, Laura feels that way too, but to be honest, everything in our lives seems to be exaggerated, out of control, and more than a little overwhelming. But, before we get started, I want to remind you that while you may be working remotely in your corner of the world, you are not alone. We are a community of supportive, loving, quirky folks who have each other’s back. And not even a social distancing directive can change that, I am here for you and so is everyone in our little community. So, if you have a question for us, please write in.
Now, Laura, first let me say I am sorry that you are experiencing so much angst over working from home. Working from home is not for everyone and being put in a situation like this so quickly without time to prepare can be a lot to handle emotionally. The question for all of us is, how can we maintain an optimal level of productivity working from home? As you know, Covid-19 has forced many companies to either shut down entirely or send their workforce with laptops in hand home to work. Remote work can be great, but if you are not used to managing yourself without the oversight of a supervisor or your work colleagues, it can be a bit daunting. These tips will work for you if you are a regular 9-5 worker or if you work for yourself but have used your local coffee shop as your makeshift office.
They will help you to stay on task, boost your productivity, and calm the overwhelm you might be feeling right now because these tips are things that you can control. And that is what we all need right now, a little bit of control.
You must maintain a regular work schedule. The first days after being laid-off, my daily schedule was all over the place. Which was a surprise to me because I am a Coach who has worked with midlife women on identifying and removing time eaters from their daily schedules. Why? Because if you do not control your time, every area of your life is affected. Secondly, I was just lamenting the week before how much more work I could get done on my business, if I didn’t have a big chunk of my day eaten away by my work schedule. Fast forward a week later, and I am trying to write my blog, answer coaching calls, record a podcast, all while trying to watch the latest news coverage, and do my laundry. That week was a bust. This week, I instituted my regular work schedule using the hours I would have been working outside of my home. So, my work hours are from 9 am-3 pm, this also required me to reinstitute my regular bedtime so that I could rise and do my morning routine before sitting down at my desk at 9 am.
Create a designated work area and set clear boundaries. Bryan Robinson, a contributor for Forbes magazine, suggests, “Have a space that you designate as your workstation instead of checking emails, voicemails, or texting in front of the TV or spreading work out on the kitchen table.” Having a designated work area will not only keep you focused, but it will send a signal to you and the rest of the family that you are in work mode and should not be disturbed unless it is a real emergency. If you do not set this clear boundary, you might feel like you are working all the time, or your family will interrupt all day, and you won’t get anything done. Both will zap your energy and your focus. You also want to make it clear to family and friends that while you may be at home, you are still working, and they should wait to call you until after your workday ends. It might be a good idea to schedule a family meeting to go over the daily schedule, which should include your designated work time and scheduled time to hang out with significant others and kids.
3. Take frequent breaks. Just because you are working from home doesn’t mean that you can’t take a break, schedule in lunchtime and 15-minute breaks the same as you would if you were in your office. Use your break to refresh your brain and move your body, go for a walk, stretch, sit outside and soak in some vitamin D. My Fitbit reminds me every hour to walk for ten minutes, which helps me to refocus and add some steps to my daily step total.
4. Stay connected to your colleagues and work friends. Working from home can be lonely. Thankfully, we live in the digital age, and platforms like Slack, Zoom, and Mighty Networks make it possible for you to not only share work products but also check in to see how your work buddy is faring during your time of separation.
This is a trying time for all of us, however, you might find that when this is over and yes, it will end, that you handled this situation so well that you get a promotion, land the job of your dreams or, double your business if you are working for yourself, Control what you can control.
I hope that these tips were helpful. I’m sure you have heard them before sometimes we have to hear things more than once before we act. Let’s take action.
Remember, you are stronger than you give yourself credit and more blessed than you know.
Guys, if you have any further tips for Laura, please leave them in the comments. How are handling working from home?
Midlife Made Easier 