On today’s show, we have Lisa Copeland. Lisa is a best-selling Author, Speaker, Love Coach, and Dating Expert. She is a leading, internationally recognized expert and dating coach for women over 50. She is the author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post/50, The Huffington Post Women, The Examiner, and Tribune News Services newspapers. Her website, http://www.FindAQualityMan.com was named one of the Top 5 Online Dating Services by The Examiner and one of the 10 Best Senior Dating Blogs by DatingAdvice.com.
On today’s show, you will learn:
That it is not too late to find the man of your dreams.
The art of flirting. How to improve your confidence so you attract a quality man.
We are often quick to show compassion to others, we give them grace when they make mistakes or hurt us, but we do not allow ourselves this same compassion. True growth has a learning curve, and as we learn, we will make mistakes; it is okay to make mistakes; instead of running away from them, we need to acknowledge these mistakes to give ourselves room to grow.
This week show yourself some compassion as you pursue your dreams, as you face challenges head-on when you fall-lift yourself back up and ask yourself, what did I learn? Will you give yourself room to grow?
I am a work in progress. I give myself room to learn and grow.
I will try new things. I will keep an open mind and move beyond my comfort zone. My new adventures might include skydiving or writing poetry.
Whatever I choose, I will allow myself the grace to enjoy it.
I will try new things like listening to country music, rap, and jazz. I will replace my usual morning run with a yoga class.
I will seek out challenges. I will volunteer for challenging assignments at work. I will talk about sensitive subjects with my family and friends.
I will not be afraid to ask questions. I will gratify my curiosity.
I will welcome feedback. I invite colleagues and clients to let me know what they think about my performance. I thank my loved ones for helpful reminders. I will use their input to make positive changes.
I will let my light shine as I teach others. I can use my knowledge to teach students and mentor newcomers in my field.
I will expand my mind by reading books I love and new works of fiction and nonfiction.
I will take classes. I will push past fear, sign up for courses at my local university, and subscribe to e-learning platforms.
I will make learning fun. I will visit my local library to browse for free audiobooks, movies, and events.
I will travel to other countries or explore new places in my neighborhood or town.
I will practice speaking foreign languages at ethnic restaurants and grocery stores.
Today, I train my mind to think. I add to my knowledge and skills. I pursue my passion for learning. I will remind myself that my mind is powerful and capable of accomplishing the goals and dreams I have for my life.
What is one new skill that would help me to advance my career?
What is the difference between working hard and working smart?
Why is it important to adopt a growth mindset?
What is one way I can show myself compassion this week?
What feelings arise in me as I answer these questions?
With Peace and Love,
Whenever you are ready, I can help you create the future you’ve always wanted:
Let me be clear, if you are someone who has been diagnosed with anxiety, I am not suggesting that you give up your medication and therapy in favor of prayer and meditation. As a social service worker and Certified Life Coach, I have seen the wonderous benefits my clients experience when adding prayer and meditation to their traditional treatment plans. So, I am asking you to be open as you read today’s post because maybe adding prayer and meditation could be an extra dose of protection to successfully manage your anxiety.
Did you know that anxiety is the most common mental illness in the United States? About 40 million Americans have been diagnosed with anxiety. The U.S. spends as much as $42 billion on the American government to diagnose and treat anxiety disorders. It is expected, especially in today’s world of political and social unrest, to feel anxious from time to time. But if your anxiety becomes overwhelming, and you want to add some realistic strategies to your prescription medication and therapy regime, one technique you may wish to try is prayer and meditation.
From personal experience, I can tell you that adding both to my daily self-care routine has helped me get a handle on my anxiety and panic attacks in a way that I never thought possible. But you might be asking which one should you try or should you use both.
Which is Better: Prayer or Meditation?
The answer very is simple: Use whichever you prefer. Some people have a close relationship with a higher power, while others do not. No matter what your religious belief, you can manage your anxiety through your thoughts and affirmations.
If you like to pray, that is great. If you want to meditate instead, then do it! I like to pray and then meditate on the scripture that is included in my morning devotional. But you can choose Whichever technique makes you feel the most comfortable. Taking your mental health seriously is the first step to healing and finding the right combination of therapeutic treatments. Remember, this is about you getting better, and you know best what will make you feel at ease.
You do not need any fancy equipment to get started. As a matter of fact, you can start right now with a deep breath. Pull the air deep down into your diaphragm and let it out slowly. Do this deep breathing technique several times, and you will begin to feel calmer.
My students look strange when I ask them if they are breathing effectively? Because if not, then you are only taking in enough air to expand the top part of your lungs expands; you may think this is okay because your chest rises and falls. However, when you use the breath as a calming tool- your whole belly rises and falls, not just your upper chest because your entire lungs are being filled with fresh air.
Before your anxiety begins to overwhelm, all your senses try practicing deep breathing as part of your own self-care routine. The more you do it, the more it will become an automatic coping strategy that helps you manage anxiety and any other part of your life that needs an adjustment.
Here are some other tips to help you feel calm while praying or meditating:
Use a mantra. Inhale while you give yourself positive thoughts and feelings. Exhale anything negatives you are thinking or feeling. Breathing is the rhythm of life. Use it to your advantage. My favorite mantra is I am Strong! I say this because I felt like life was happening to me for so many years, and I had no control. Now I know that is not true.
String together three scriptures: I call this a string prayer. I string together three of my favorite scriptures, and I pray them each morning. I also use these scriptures as part of my mantra when I meditate.
Make it part of your self-care routine: To really reap the benefits to pray or meditate at the same time each day. Try practice when you are not in crisis. Here is a challenge for you, decide when you will do and write it on the calendar at the same time for the next 30 days. It does not have to take a long time; try two minutes each day to start and add more time when you feel comfortable.
Laugh More. This was a hard one for me; I used my smile to hide what I was really thinking and feeling for years.But now I use itto make myself feel better after a long hard day. Try saying “ho, ho, ho, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha” and other silly phrases out loud. When you do, you will start to smile, then grin, and then laugh for real! And when you are laughing, it hard to frown or feel anxious!
Get an accountability buddy: I think this is the best way to ensure success. Your accountability buddy will help you to keep going when you want to quit. You can join a church, take up yoga, or find a support group for anxiety. You are not alone; other people share your struggle; besides helping yourself, you could help someone else struggling with anxiety; think of it this way, someone needs a friend, and they are waiting for you.
Now It is Your Turn!
As with any step towards personal peace, the first thing you must do is just start. Do not wait for perfect conditions because they will never come. Something or someone will always pop up in your life to still your joy. One thing to avoid when you start your prayer and/or meditation practice is the notion that you will be able to conquer it in a week. Be patient with yourself and show yourself some compassion. It took time to get where you are, and it will take time to get back to where you want to be.
Do not forget to speak with your therapist or coach and let them know that you have started this journey; they will be more than happy to support you and provide you with helpful feedback as you work to strengthen your breathing. Laugh. Meditate or pray routine. The greatest gift you can give yourself is joy, which is a gift worth waiting for.
Personally, you may long to be in a relationship, but not all relationships are created equal. Some relationships cause more grief than they are worth. While being alone can be disappointing, it can be preferable to being in a toxic relationship.
Whether you are examining your professional or private life, ask yourself if the relationship enhances your life or makes it more challenging. Why? Because you deserve the absolute best!
Toxic relationships can be challenging and hard to leave, especially in midlife. You might be hoping that something will change, and you will not have to give up your paycheck or the person you love. Regardless of how much pain this toxic relationship is causing you, losing your source of income or facing the world alone, even temporarily, can be frightening.
Today we will talk primarily about the signs of toxicity in your personal life, but I want to touch on how working in a toxic climate will affect you and give you steps to help you navigate a positive outcome for you. We spend so much of our waking time working, and toxic relationships will destroy our productivity and our ability to collaborate with others.
Signs that your workplace may be toxic:
“The Workplace Bullying Institute indicates that 19 percent of workers report they have been bullied at work. And 72 percent of the workforce are aware of it happening.”
Your workplace may be toxic if you dread going into work and you feel emotionally and physically drained by the end of the day.
Your productivity is suffering, and you are running out of sick and vacation days.
There is a constant level of disrespect and lack of communication.
You feel like there is a lack of support, and you are unsure if you can trust anyone, so you keep how you think to yourself.
Physical symptoms have emerged, such as sleepiness, anxiety, or stress-eating.
The atmosphere is so hostile that you feel unsafe.
Signs that you may be in a toxic personal relationship:
A consistent lack of trust. It does not matter whether you do not trust the other person, or they do not charge you. Relationships are incredibly draining when there is a pervasive lack of trust. There is never any peace.
You are forced to compromise your values regularly. When you are put in the position to live outside of the tenets you consider to be most important, your self-respect suffers.
Your partner is not supportive of your success. They say you find out who your real friends are during times of distress, but the same can be said of periods of success. It is not uncommon for friends and family to be unsupportive when you are doing well. The last thing you want is a partner that displays this type of behavior.
Dismissiveness. Is either of you dismissive toward the other? Your interests and projects should be respected. This works both ways. If you are dismissive of your partner, your relationship could be better.
Your partner is unreliable. If you cannot count on your partner, your life is more stressful than it needs to be, and your relationship is harming you.
Going somewhere else after work is more relaxing than going home. What is worse than spending a stressful day at work and deciding instead to go sit in a coffee shop alone than go home to your partner? It is nice to have a home that is an oasis from your everyday stressors.
A lack of affection. There is a lack of closeness when love wanes. Ask yourself why you no longer want to touch each other.
You resist confiding in your partner. When you have something sensitive to discuss, it would be nice to rely on your partner. If you find yourself hesitant to share, it could be a sign that your relationship is not healthy. Ideally, your partner is also your best friend.
The relationship is harmful to any children involved. Relationships should enhance the lives of the children. If your children are frightened or discouraged, these are warning signs.
You feel unsafe with your partner.No relationship is worth risking your safety. Make your health and well-being a priority in your life.
You can think of other people with whom you would rather be in a relationship. Do you find yourself wishing you could be in a relationship with a friend or coworker instead of with your current partner? Something is wrong if you imagine yourself with someone else.
I hope that you are not experiencing any of these symptoms and that your relationships are healthy, supportive, and a source of inspiration to you.
If you believe your relationships are toxic, do not be afraid to take the time to investigate further. For both unhealthy personal and professional relationships
Be willing to seek professional help.
Start keeping a log of events, document emails, voicemails, and interactions with individuals. This is especially important at work if you need to file a claim with the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission).
Work on building or rebuilding your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Start activity to help you relieve the stress
You do not have to stay plan your exit strategy
Create your village, find supportive friends or coworkers who will be there to comfort and support you.
I hope that you are not experiencing any of these symptoms and that your relationships are healthy, supportive, and a source of inspiration to you. But, if they are not, it is time to step out of denial and save yourself. A healthy relationship makes it easier to be at your best and pursue the dreams and goals that make you happy.
Today we are talking about how to create and live a balanced life. I know that that can be difficult to achieve considering the times we live in now. But I hope that today’s post will give you some insight into how to accomplish this. Now, if you can listen with a pen and piece of paper close by, that would be very helpful, as I will be asking you to answer some reflective questions to create a picture to determine how balanced your life is now.
Why am I talking about living a balanced life? Because we spend so much time compartmentalizing the various areas of our lives, trying to ensure that everything has its own place. Our relationships, career, money, exercise, health, but we all know that our whole lives will be affected if one area is out of whack.
Imagine having tons of money, the house, and the career you want. But not being able to enjoy it because your health is failing. That is not an exaggeration. I had my dream job and was at least 30 pounds overweight and trying to reverse diabetes and prehypertension. When a part of your life is not in line with your life’s other aspects, you will begin to enjoy your lifeless and less as you struggle to get it back on track.
It is crucial to think of your life as one holistic pie and decide to put your energy into making every piece of that pie as yummy as possible. Forgive the pie metaphor, but I am giving up sweets for Lent.
What would creating a life that is balanced and enjoyable look like?
Your first step would be to take a real and honest look at your life in every area. So many times, we let the fear of change stop us from making moves in our lives that we know will set us free.
Fear of change is real and can be the number one reason that we stay stuck in unhealthy and unhappy areas of our lives. We convince ourselves that it is easier to keep the familiar mess we know rather than finding the creativity and energy to make the changes we need to be happy.
My job as your coach is to help you begin the process of imagining what your life would be like if you gathered your courage and made the necessary changes you need to make to create a happy and balanced life. Before you ask, yes, you can have a happy and balanced life because this is not available for lucky people or blessed people.
Now, this is where your pen and paper will come in handy? The self-reflective questions I am about to ask you will help you to decide if you need to make changes in your life.
Are you getting things done on your own, but could use some report?
Do you want to build a healthier relationship with food?
Do you eat when you are bored, angry, sad, or stressed out?
Do you want to develop a deeper connection to yourself and others?
Do you want to be empowered to be your own health expert?
Do you want more confidence, energy, and self-acceptance?
Do you want to be held accountable to show up for yourself?
Are you looking outside of yourself for love, support, and acceptance?
I want you to take the time to answer these questions because this is the first step towards reducing your stress and healing your emotional health.
Once you have answered the questions, I want you to use your answers to create a plan that will help you begin nurturing yourself. This is something we can not turn over to the hands of others. I am talking to all my romantics out there; believe me, I know how you feel. I spent the whole day recently watching Hallmark romantic comedies and saying to myself, if my husband would just be like the characters in these movies, I would feel fantastic, and our marriage would be excellent.
Nurturing must begin with us; this is how we teach others how to treat us.
Your next step is to create priorities. Have you ever woken up in the morning, dreading the start of your day? You have so many things pulling at your time and energy you want to turn off the alarm and remove the cover over your head.
Prioritizing your life will help you reduce you overwhelm and focus on the items in your day that must get done, bringing you joy.
I know that some days would be impossible to find balance, but that cannot be our daily existence. It might be that it has been years since your life appeared to be in a healthy balance, but that does not mean that with the right action, you cannot make things right.
It is time for you to embrace and create the best life you can now! You can decide where to put energies each day and make the life you want to live, so you do not get stuck living the life you have.
I speak to myself with much love and compassion. I think positive. My inner voice builds up my confidence and self-esteem.
I choose gentle words and stick to the facts. I ask myself open-ended questions that help me view situations from a different perspective and clarify my purpose.
I practice daily. Doubts and assumptions can be stubborn. I am patient. I strengthen my new beliefs each time I think about them or say them out loud.
I repeat positive affirmations. I use empowering statements to guide my thoughts and actions.
I give myself a pep talk before challenging tasks. I take a few deep breaths and remember my achievements. I tell myself that I am strong and competent. I visualize myself delivering an effective presentation or negotiating a raise.
I comfort myself when I am under pressure. I validate my feelings and my experiences. I motivate myself to persevere and move forward.
I praise myself for making an effort. I give myself credit for trying, regardless of the outcomes. I can learn from successes and setbacks.
I let myself cry and make myself laugh. I love and accept myself for who I am. I observe my thoughts and feelings without making judgments. I look for the reasons behind them, so I can understand my reactions and make conscious decisions.
Today, I appreciate the power of my inner voice. I talk to myself like a dear friend.
How can writing in a journal help me to become more aware of my self-talk?
How can my self-talk help me to deal with stress?
What is one positive thing I want to tell myself each morning?
Share this affirmation with someone you love! Until next week
With Peace and Love,
PS If you want to tap into some midlife love and support, join The Welcome to Your Life! Midlife Made Easier Facebook group. In this group, there are extra trainings, resources, and support from midlife women just like you. Click here to join!
I deserve for good things to happen in my life. I am considerate of others and treat everyone with the respect they deserve. I am a loving friend and family member. I have the best interests of others at heart.
I do the work each day necessary to deserve success. I work hard and with focus. I am clear on what I desire and do the work required to make my dreams a reality.
I have big goals and expectations that are congruent with my abilities.
I review my goals regularly and allow myself to get excited at the prospect of achieving them. I have detailed goals and plans to make them happen.
I am deserving. My strengths and skills are sufficient to achieve my dreams. I am motivated and capable. I am worthy of my dreams.
Today, I remind myself why my dreams are appropriate for the person I am becoming each day. I have the confidence needed to be successful in the pursuit of my goals.
What are my biggest goals and my plans to achieve them?
Am I willing to do the work required to be successful in achieving my goals?
What steps do I take each day to make my dreams a reality?
I can stay focused on the present and the future. My ability to avoid dwelling on the past is increasing. I understand that thinking about the past has negative consequences.
There is nothing left for me in the past. I am glad that I learned from my past mistakes and successes. That is the best thing about the past – the lessons it provides. I take those lessons and apply them to my present. Focusing on the past, though, leads to regret.
I choose to look forward. I spend five minutes each day to imagine the future I wish to experience. I know that a compelling future is the best way to stay motivated and positive.
I work hard in the present to create my future. I can only interact with time in the present moment. I make the most of each moment and look forward to enjoying the future even more.
I can let go of the past. Time spent on past regrets and mistakes lessens my ability to manage my life and generate success. I have more significant potential for happiness when I leave the past behind. I forgive those that have wronged me. I forgive myself for my past mistakes.
Today, I keep my attention on the present and the future. I am permanently leaving the past in my rearview mirror. I leave the past in the past and focus on the future.
What is one mini goal I can focus on and accomplish this week?
How can I enhance my ability to avoid focusing on the past?
Happy New Year my friends. This beautiful year is just a blank slate waiting for you to put your special imprint on it. One of my coaches sent me this, and I wanted to share it with all of you because this is the year of no excuses and no waiting for the perfect time. The Time is Now! I changed a few things to make it more relevant to our midlife mission, but I want you to know that I believe in you, I believe in us, and together we are unstoppable. Don’t let your past trauma, failures, and unsupportive family members keep you from having the best year of your life.
Enjoy and take action
I want to talk about your IMPACT.
IN MIDLIFE Life comes down to two things:
#1: Who did you have the courage and audacity to become?
Were you brave?
Were you genuinely excellent in everything you did?
Did you live with authenticity?
Were you following your own values and truth?
#2: How many people did you help?
How much value did you create?
How many people did you profoundly impact?
The bottom line?
YOU must believe in YOU.
Because the world needs to see your mastery. The world needs you to transform lives.
And the world needs you to TAKE ACTION…
…even when things are scary and uncertain.
Don’t give up on your vision and ambition.
No matter what.
GO ALL IN.
Commit to NO EXCUSES.
Because beneath every excuse is a FEAR.
But beneath every ELITE athlete, professional career woman and thought leader…
…is the strength to PERSEVERE.
Bravery is a muscle.
Creativity is a muscle.
Mastery is a muscle.
Use it or lose it.
So, if you want to 2x your IMPACT…
You need to 2x the investment in yourself. Your education. Your business.
When you know more, you can produce more, and you can achieve more.
STILL do not believe me.
Then start believing in YOURSELF.
Because you give yourself what you feel you deserve.
If you do not feel you deserve greatness, you will find ways to sabotage yourself.
So if you are not getting what you deserve…
Think about this:
Are you getting in your own way?
Are you struggling to be and do what you are made to do?
Are you spinning your wheels?
Maybe it’s time to give yourself what you TRULY deserve.
Be better. Be amazing. Be LEGENDARY.
Stop w-a-i-t-i-n-g for the perfect story. Or the “perfect” timing.
Other people deserve to hear your story. Other people deserve to have your help.
You were MADE for this.
Step up to the plate. It is your time.
And I would love to help. If you are ready to soar this year, then schedule your free Empowerment Call with me, let’s discover what is holding you back together. Problems do not solve themselves, but you have the solution. Let’s find it together.
When I start to work with a new client, one of the first things I like for them to identify is their support system. When you try to do something that you have never done before, you do not need to be pulled away from your focus by family and friends who do not support your vision for your life. When you change everything in your life has to change, the more you align your life with your goals the greater your chances of success.
That is not to say that they have to agree with you completely, but they should refrain from throwing water on your dreams by reminding you of all the times you didn’t quite hit the mark in the past. Sometimes, they might think they are helpful with comments like:
“You can lose the weight on your own.”
“Are you even trying? Try harder.”
“Just eat less and workout more.”
“Shouldn’t you be thinking of retiring instead of starting a new career?”.
“People your age don’t run marathons.”
“Is the pain that bad or is it in your head.”
“Your time has passed; it’s time to let the younger folks have a turn.”
These are just a few of my clients’ comments, and I have heard when we confided to our closest confidants about our plans to make changes in our lives. When they recall the comments, many clients break down in tears.
Whether it is losing weight, starting a new career path, or pursuing your purpose, and maybe your new career path is your purpose. You must create a support system that supports you unconditionally, holds you accountable when you don’t believe you can do it, and loves you no matter how many times you must start over.
Anyone who does not fall in step with your plans is dead weight, and you should eliminate them immediately. You do not have to cut them out of your life entirely if you do not want too, just do not let them into your inner circle.
Make a list of three people you can count on to support your journey towards a new you.